So Obvious

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By Anonymous

1st time I had a panic attack i really thought i was having a heart attack, I was three months pregnant with my 5th child. I was put in a cardiac ward strapped up to machines which didn’t allay any fears, to be told 24 hrs later we think you are having panic attacks and to go home.

The next 6 months were a nightmare of panic attacks, hospitals and thinking I was going to die in pregnancy. 25 yrs later I still go through panic, anxiety and depression but I understand why it is happening to me and practically laugh at myself when I look back. I see myself telling a therapist no it couldn’t be panic; I’d nothing to worry about even though I had been brought up by a violent alcoholic, small car crash when 9 months pregnant with 1st son, married a psycho and was widowed at 20 with two children. Low self esteem, met someone else and had another 3 children, lived on my nerves with no money or support and sat there with a straight face and thought all was normal.

I would really like to go back in time and talk to me as I know i could now allay that girls fear and tell her she is worth so much more than she thinks.