Rain sunshine, rain heartache

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By Mel

Hi, I’m Mel. Many years ago at the tender age of 15 I started to feel strange. I had a good family but was very close to my grandmother. I spent all my life around her and saw her as my Angel. I started to misbehave at school which led to my expulsion and I had to go to a special school for difficult children! I left with no exams but I was good at Art and was interested in politics!

I was always a mix: shy, brash, and sometimes quite loud. Family quarrels with aunts, uncles, cousins and my grandmother started to become regular. At the age of 17 a massive complex family fight erupted and I was thrown into it and became a patient at our local hospital with bruised ribs.

When I was 18 I was abused about my childhood by a cousin. This was the beginning of my mental health illness. I started to self-harm, and had dark thoughts about death, revenge and murder. I could go on and on with what happened next, but would need lots of space and time. To put it quickly, I developed a thought disorder, depression, and delusions.

I became obsessed with Nazism and Hitler. I also received electroconvulsive therapy at my hospital. Eighteen rounds of it and my head felt like a balloon! Voices started to happen, and paranoia. I was heavily medicated and also tried suicide.

My battle has been very long, and at the age of 49 I am still on medication and will be forever. My artwork helps me and I am very creative. I also fight to stop stigma and cuts to mental health services.

I am an activist politically. It’s hard and long but never give up and always be yourself. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF and NO ONE can ever hurt you. Hurt in my life is pain and I still feel it. Please though talk and seek help and never be ashamed.