It's Nearly Over... I'm on the Up!

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By Lisa Lewis-Martin

I shared my first story here last year, about my battle with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), and wanted to write again about my recovery. I’m on the up!

It’s taken me a long time to get where I am today, not to totally rely on my partner, not to be deathly jealous about who he’s looking at today, not to worry over why people don’t like me/get me/understand me. It’s taken strength, determination, love for myself, and a certain popular figure who has made me smile, be happier and want to live on!

BPD is still here, deep inside, stirring away like a pot of boiling water ready to come over the top and explode, but if I maintain steady realisation and keep telling myself I’m doing okay, then it stays below, simmering but stable. I still have days where I cry, no not cry, I break… absolutely heartbreakingly sad, and I don’t want to carry on. But those times are getting slowly rarer now. I’m happier in myself, I’m stronger, but then again I always was – I’m still here aren’t I?

A thoroughly nice guy

About 8–9 months ago my partner told me to watch some guy on the TV. The programme was ‘Salvage Hunters’, and the guy was Drew Pritchard. It was really interesting to watch, and he came across as a thoroughly nice guy! So, day by day, I watched him and followed him on social media. He got to know of me and about me. I managed to meet him in November 2017 and got his autograph. I also got him to sign my arm, and got it as a tattoo the very next day. He was a great person to be around, speak to, etc.

Now, I’m well known in the Drew circle for being his number one fan, etc. But the thing he doesn’t really realise is that he has helped me so much just by being around. Since I saw him on TV I have been a completely different person. I’m happier and more confident. I taking an interest in different things. which certainly keeps my mind ticking over nicely too!

I’m on the up – it can be done!

But I’ve helped myself too. I’ve started to believe in myself, which has took me 30+ years to do! I’m on the up, it can be done, believe me. I know how it is down there, but please don’t give up!! You are worth every little bit of help, you are worthy, you are beautiful, and you can stand up and be counted, like me talking to others about my fight to recovery!