the journey to self-love
By Sylvia Marcia

Finding self-love has always been semi-difficult for me.  I have a lot of doubts in my head.  A lot of questioning.  I tend to think others are more worthy than I am.  It’s a difficult thing to break through. Moving away from it is a struggle.  Every time I think I’m there, something sets me back.  Sometimes it’s spoken words.  Or it’s people leaving.  Or I could be just be reading more into everything.

Self-love, I’m still not fully there

It’s tiring fighting the negative self-talk.  Convincing myself that I belong somewhere and therefore take up space.  This still happens daily.  Bringing myself down.  Hiding away.  It’s not a fun or healthy way to live.  I started on a journey to self-love a little more than a year ago, and I’m still not fully there.  When I think about that, I feel like a failure – kind of the opposite of what I want. Little things still happen throughout my life that set me back.  I don’t see others as a reflection of themselves but a reflection of me.  I take on others’ emotions instead of focusing on my own.

I don’t have the key to finding self-love.  That might be what you were expecting from this post.  If I had it, I would be there myself, but I’m not there yet, well not in your common understanding of self-love.

Victories

Yet, I love myself in the sense that I know I will always keep fighting – something I’m not sure I would otherwise do.  I love myself enough to let people go who do not want to be there for me.  I love myself enough to find pride in myself.  I love myself enough to go to therapy.  I love myself enough that I’m starting to accept the love from others.  I love myself enough rid myself of toxicity and negativity that serves no purpose.  I love myself enough to go after my dreams.  I love myself enough to trust my life.

I’m on the journey

These are all victories.  These are all showing my self-love.  My self-acceptance.  This matters.  I will always have insecurities, or moments where I prefer to hide away because of them.  I think it would be unrealistic to think otherwise.  So I’m on the journey to self-love, with windy roads, detours, and beautiful open roads.

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Reproduced with permission, originally posted here

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