My Battle

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By Kim Kitts

This is my own personal depression & Anxiety story. I know not everyone’s is the same and I want you to know it does get better.

I got diagnosed in October 2008, I was 23. Scared and alone, Going through a tough time in my old job and struggling with realising I was a lesbian and not fully accepting it. I finally had 1 day at work where I had a customer be abusive and I cracked and finally admitted I wanted to cut my wrists and jump out the window. A phone call later and my best friend and work mate telling me she would come with me, I had my first doctors appointment. I was scared and felt so alone.

The appointment came around and me and my best friend went and I must admit I was lucky I had a good doctor. I was put onto my first anti-depressant and signed off work for 4 weeks with an appointment a week later. I ended up being signed off for 6 months and counselling and more appointments and sleeping tablets.

I am still on medication now and almost 33, I think this illness will never leave me. I must admit I have more good days now than bad but the anxiety is always there. I also don’t think that will ever leave me. I just learn to deal with it, I had a great therapist who helped me learn breathing techniques and I have medication that helps me too.

I am holding down a job albeit 8 hours but at the moment I don’t think I can handle anymore, I am physically drained by Sunday evening and it takes me a few days to feel up to doing anything. I still have the best friend who came with me to the appointment, I would never of gone if she had not come along. She also did most of the talking as I got emotional. I owe her the world, she really is an incredible person.

I first saw my GP in 2008. I was scared and was not really prepared to what I would say. I took my best friend along with me for support and she was great as we worked together so she knew more on the background of what I was going through and how I was.

I saw a locum the first couple times then I got to see the GP I would stick with until she sadly left, I was put onto Citalopram and had regular appointments. I was more comfortable once I saw my the lovely lady GP I had as we saw each other regular and she got to know how I was doing and we could keep an eye on symptoms etc.

I was bullied at secondary school so from age 11 to age 16. It was a mixture of boys and girls. I got physically beaten several times, and the verbal was pretty much constant. It got worse when I had braces fitted, then it really was every single day. I got attacked on the bus home and so called friends would not even make an attempt to help or stand up for me.

I think that the bullying has lead to my depression and anxiety and I thought that a grown adult would not be capable of it but I was so wrong.

I had a boss at work who I won’t name but she made work hell. So much so I got signed off with severe depression and anxiety and ended up having 6 months off from work and medications and counselling. She would tell me I was scruffy and I needed to learn how to use an iron and things like that.

Reproduced with permission, originally posted here