Don't wait to be asked for help

Read Time:2 Minute, 48 Second

By Mental Drama Queen

What not to say to someone with a mental illness

‘I know you are going through a tough time at the moment but so are a lot of other people. I’ve had a shit year which I don’t talk about as I deal with it myself, but if I needed support from anyone, I would ask for it and not expect it off of people. I didn’t have a clue about your anxiety problems until that day. Unless you openly talk to people, people may not know what’s going on. This includes me, as I’m not very good at ‘reading’ people. Everyone has busy lives and as we get older, we can’t all live in each other’s pockets. It’s not the fact that your depression is of no concern. Imagine if that was you in her shoes, surely you would just want her or any friend to just ask how you are and just support them?’

How that can be translated

▪Your illness is not real
▪Your illness isn’t a big problem like you’re making it out to be
▪It’s your illness, your problem
▪You’re not worthy of support
▪You only get help if you ask for it
▪You’re alone
▪You’re weak
▪Just talk
▪Just ask
▪I have better things to do
▪You’re too much hard work
▪You aren’t worthy of my time
▪You’re not ill, you need to be there for other people
▪You’re insignificant in comparison to others
▪You aren’t trying hard enough

These are just some of the ways it could be translated.

Shame, guilt and fear

The advice of opening up and asking for help is well meant. Yet the above is why many don’t. We don’t want to be a burden. The shame and guilt are overwhelming; the fear of being rejected is suffocating. Being thought of as selfish and believing them, being made to feel worthless and suffering in silence is hell. Yet being belittled and having every bad thought confirmed isn’t any better.

Depression can have a bad end game. People never really understand that until it happens. More than one life is affected when it does happen and there aren’t always signs. Yet if there is even the slightest hint that someone is suffering or if they have outright told you, then step up. There is no shame in being mentally ill. That is such a hard concept to grasp if you are suffering. If someone does ask for help or tells you the truth then I would bet my life that they would have been suffering for a very long time, and have become desperate, to even contemplate opening their mouth.

The world needs to catch up

YOU are important
YOU are worthy
YOU’RE not a burden
YOU have nothing to be ashamed of

The world still needs to catch up. Hidden illnesses are still illnesses and no matter what they are, these people deserve empathy and understanding. Think before you speak.

Don’t wait until someone’s asking for help. A mentally ill person may never ask, not because they expect your help, or don’t want it, but because they don’t want to burden you.

It’s true that the saddest people don’t want you to feel like them and will always try to help others, rather than asking for help themselves. So help them when they can’t help themselves.