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0 By Jessica Evans
How to deal with a sociopath – Antisocial Personality Disorder
The answer to how to deal with a sociopath is actually very simple – You don’t.
I know, it’s probably not the answer you were expecting. But this is the only answer if you want to stay emotionally healthy.
There are tons of articles and posts from medical experts and health professionals that describe the behavior of someone with antisocial personality disorder – also called sociopathy.
These are great references for helping you understand the definition of antisocial personality disorder and characteristics of sociopathy. They also provide you with the behavioral traits of a sociopath, and what to look for when trying to identify one.
This is important to know, because you need to be able to distinguish whether or not you are actually dealing with a sociopath.
The first step is to identify the symptoms. Understanding the traits and mindset of someone with antisocial personality disorder can help you to understand exactly what it is you’re dealing with.
Symptoms and traits of a sociopath
For a person to be diagnosed as a sociopath he or she must have at least three or more of the below mentioned symptoms:
Displays heightened levels of deceitfulness in dealings with others, which involves lying, conning others without remorse, or even using aliases
Inability to abide by social norms and thus violating the law
Displays aggressiveness and often tends to get into assaults and physical fights
Shows a complete lack of empathy for others and their situations for which they are responsible
Displays no feelings or shallow feelings
Behavior is impulsive and unpredictable, which is indicated by an inability to plan for the future
Displays no concern for safety of others around them or self
Inability to sustain consistent behavior, that stems mainly from irresponsibility, especially at workplace or in other dealings
Displays promiscuous behavior
And the symptoms are not a result of alcohol or drugs or another psychiatric disorder.
Source: depressiond.org
Their behavior is not your fault
Once you understand how they think, and how they work, this can make it easier to separate yourself from that person.
And while there is no appropriate answer for how to deal with a sociopath, the best answer is to avoid them completely, if possible. You also need to understand that you cannot help them. You cannot fix them.
Most importantly, their behavior is not your fault.
But what if it isn’t possible to avoid them? What if the sociopath is a family member?
This may make it more difficult to completely cut them out of your lives, but there are some ways to deal with their sociopathic behavior.
Tips on how to deal with a sociopath
Do not be afraid to tell them no. If they call you up needing a favor, tell them no, you can’t help them. You have to be firm.
Don’t share anything personal with them – they will find a way to use it against you.
Don’t make them aware of your weaknesses, as they will exploit them. If they already know some of your weaknesses and use them to try and hurt you, just ignore them. They’re looking for a reaction, and if they don’t get one, they’ll lose interest.
Never give or loan them money. They will never stop asking for more, and you will never get it back. Tell them you’re broke, or you don’t have it to spare.
Always be skeptical of anything they tell you. More often than not, it’s a complete fabrication. Call them out on their lies, let them know you are not fooled.
Save your breath. Telling them how you feel, showing emotion, or trying to get them help is futile. They do not have the capacity to care or understand.
Keep any interactions or conversations with them vague and non-specific. No details about how you’re doing, or how your life is going.
Do not leave anything of value lying around or unattended in their presence, such as a wallet or purse, jewelry, etc. – otherwise these items may disappear.
Keep your guard up, and stay strong and calm – make it clear that you are not intimidated by them or their behavior.
Get away from them if you can
These tips will help you when you find yourself in a situation that makes interaction with the sociopath unavoidable.
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But the only way to truly protect yourself, and the best advice to follow on how to deal with a sociopath, truly, is to just stay away.
I know it sounds dramatic and harsh. But if you don’t have a lot of experience in dealing with a sociopath, or you don’t take these symptoms seriously, you can, and more than likely will, get hurt.
My brother is a sociopath
My advice and my feelings on this subject come from my personal experience of growing up with a brother who has antisocial personality disorder. It took me until just recently to realize he was a sociopath.
The symptoms and behaviors can be similar to some other personality disorders. I tried for years to figure out what exactly was wrong with him. I tried talking to him, I tried to help him, to no avail.
And then I spoke with my counselor about his behavior. Together we looked up antisocial personality disorder. We went over the traits specific to this disorder, as well as the causes and risk factors.
After reading up on it, everything about his behavior, from our childhood on, made sense. I read over each symptom, and even looked the symptoms up on other sites, just to be sure.
As stated above, in order to be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, he or she must have 3 or more of the listed symptoms.
My brother possesses every single one.
In no way does it make me feel good to come to this realization. In fact, it makes me quite sad to know that my brother will never change.
He abused me
His personality and behavior has had an effect on me over the course of my life. He has both physically and verbally abused me since we were younger.
He would do things to purposely hurt me, and would laugh about it. When around other people, he liked to criticize, demean and humiliate me.
There were several instances where he would get so angry, he would attack me – once, as kids, he almost drowned me.
Another time, as teenagers, he came at me with a butcher knife, and was on top of me with the knife in my face. It took every ounce of strength I had to hold his arm back. If my arm had given out before he backed off, it would have stabbed me in the face.
I’ve been shot by both a BB gun and a pellet gun by him. I’ve been kicked, punched, pushed and threatened by him.
He has stolen from me, my kids, his own kids, as well as other family members, and even friends and strangers. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie.
I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
I avoid him at all costs
The crazy part is, I would still help him. I would still do things for him, felt bad for him…that’s how good at control and manipulation a sociopath is.
Needless to say, I don’t have a relationship with him at all anymore. I avoid contact with him at all costs.
What gets me the most is that there are so many people who find him quite charismatic and likeable.
They believe his crazy lies, and think he’s fun to be around. Most people have no idea, and are completely fooled.
So that’s why my response to the question of how to deal with a sociopath is, you don’t.
~ Jess
Reproduced with permission, originally posted on jessisamess.com
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