Never Underestimate the Power of Simple Kindness

Read Time:3 Minute, 39 Second

By Frances Beck

I’m not very good at outwardly showing how I truly and honestly feel at times. I’ve conditioned myself to protect not only my own vulnerability but also the people I love. I don’t cope well with feeling like a burden to anyone. Having been bullied throughout school self-protection has been my lifeline for longer than I can remember. I consider myself lucky that it wasn’t anything sinister. But it was constant from different directions and that really takes its toll on a person’s mind and self-esteem.

It’s only taken 46 years of practice, but I’m much more aware now of when I’m in protection mode. At times I feel strong and confident in myself. But the vast majority of time I’m a huge, vulnerable mess. These ramblings that I’ve been writing and sharing with the world are so far outside my comfort zone. You wouldn’t begin to believe it, because I can put on a good mask.

My reason for sharing is that I really want to help other people and show the world that vulnerability is not a weakness. Being able to show your vulnerabilities takes real strength because you are laying your soul bare.

Could I have saved him?

I’ve struggled with depression throughout my life. I’m very well aware that everyone who does has their own triggers and follows their own journey. I’ve faced the real darkness on the edge of the abyss and I consider myself one of the extremely lucky ones. I was able to be brought back. I was able to continue being mum to my two wonderful boys and then go on to have my wonderful daughter. I’ve been so blessed to be their mother and am so grateful for the years that we’ve had together.

As blessed as I am, I would have more than willingly exchanged my life for my son’s, to let him carry on living. It’s my own experience that gives me a good understanding of why Conor felt he had to take his own life. That was his only way to rid himself of his own incessant, unrelenting pain caused by depression.

This same understanding causes me untold heartache because I’m sure that had he given me a real chance, I really could have helped to save him. Weird as this may sound, as I’m writing this, I can actually hear him. “You couldn’t have saved me Mum because I didn’t want to be saved, and you understand that too.” It’s no real comfort, but that is a harsh lesson that I’ve learned the hard way over many years, and was talking about only yesterday. The only person you really have the power to save is yourself.

Always be kind

Anyway, the main point of this post was to say that a person may outwardly appear well and strong. But they may actually be wearing a well-fitting mask. We never really know what’s going on in the mind of anyone else. (Hell, I don’t always know what’s going on in my own mind.) So it’s really important that we always try to be kind to others, as well as ourselves.

I want to say a huge thank you to all the people who have shown me kindness through this most horrendous and life-altering time of my life. For the people who have physically been there for me, hugged me, held my hand, cooked for me, listened to me, distracted me. Those who helped me make my surroundings a nicer place to be and made me feel loved. For the people who have consistently been in touch with messages of love and support. And for those who have sent occasional messages to let me know that they’re thinking of me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! It probably doesn’t seem like very much and can take only a few seconds of time, but I can’t emphasise enough, just how much those kindnesses mean. Particularly at the lowest moments. Sadly, kindness will never prevent mental illness, but it can make the difference between that day being worth living or not. You may be the only person that shows another any kindness in any day, even by just smiling at them. And you should never underestimate the power of simple kindness. In a world where you can be anything at all, always be kind.