My Mania with Borderline Personality Disorder

Read Time:1 Minute, 38 Second

By Anon

I’m writing this at 10.45 at night. I should be asleep by now. I do try to get a routine of sleeping properly, as I know it helps my mental state!

But you try telling my brain that right now! I’m having a mania episode! With my BPD, it’s usually the depressive, suicidal, sad episodes I get, nearly every day. Rarely do I get episodes of mania with Borderline Personality Disorder, and wow does it feel good!

My mind is racing

I’ve been really bad the last few days, suicidal, etc, but earlier tonight when it got to past my usual time of going to bed, I realised I’m not tired. I have energy (that doesn’t happen very often). I want to run as fast as I can, I want to jump in front of a car, I want to go shopping and buy lots of things, I want to dance, I want to sing, I want to get drunk. This is all so exciting, and I don’t want it to end!
Thank goodness, I stay put, but my mind is racing…..

Will I get to sleep tonight?

Tomorrow?

What will I be like tomorrow?

I hope I’m like this, it feels good to be alive, fresh, living, instead of the dull, sad, suicidal being that I am!

But, I know it won’t last; the last time I really experienced mania I was on a high for about a week, it was incredible! It’s the down that you don’t want, the mania suddenly vanishes, and you’re back with your BPD, and feel like you want to die!

But for now, I’m going to enjoy this mania episode, I feel high, it’s amazing, and it’s not down to drink or drugs, either. It’s just the purest form of Borderline Personality Disorder, one of the very few best things about BPD.

I bid you goodnight, but I will probably be awake most of the night! Great!