The Destructive Wave

Read Time:2 Minute, 0 Second

By Anonymous

When I am struggling, I feel this terrifying, out of control sensation. It is like I am riding on a wave – attempting to surfboard on a colossal storm-surge wave of negative energy. It’s the sort of wave which crashes over bridges of friendships and destroys them effortlessly – thoughtlessly. It is terrifying.

It’s like I am an entire novice at surfing and have been thrown in the Atlantic during a massive storm. The water is too deep to jump off the surf and abandon the wave, so I am stuck there, riding a wave of dark, black energy. It builds up with the prevailing wind of small, tiny mishaps and forms one massive destructive wave which I know will cause damage, but I cannot escape. Sometimes it leads me to withdraw myself as I attempt to balance on top of my board, sometimes I am frustrated by my lack of control, sometimes I have harmed because it was the only way I knew to feel something certain in the devastation.

Erosion and damage

I am mentally foreshadowing the impact when it hits land – the point where the negative power hits something. And that something could be anything, and me and my board could go anywhere. It’s a destructive wave, so it wants to erode and damage the coastline it hits. Sometimes it hits land where there is a solid cliff face of one last final negative occurrence, which is enough to push me, and the negative strength the wave has given me makes me want to cause harm. I might refuse to eat, cut, even become suicidal because nothing matters. I feel half drowned. I’ve lost my life-supporting board, and everything is pointless.

Sometimes people form a beach and allow me to have a softer, more gradual, separation from my board, and I crawl ashore while the backwash retreats back out.

But while I am on that board, there is nothing at all I feel capable of doing to free myself. Over time, I have worked hard at my surfing ability. I’ve attempted to increase my control so that I don’t lose it entirely. I have managed to reduce the strength of the winds by finding triggers and coping strategies, and although the waves still come, I have found myself more beaches to hit, which come further out and do not let the wave build to its terrifying enormity!