Who Says We Have To Be Positive?

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By Shae Hansen

Hi everybody, as some of you may know from reading some of my other posts, I try to keep a positive attitude at all times. Even when I am having the worst day in the history of worst days, I slap a smile on and parade my positivity. I never really stopped to ask myself why. I mean, that’s just what we do, right? We put on a show for others no matter how we feel on the inside. We could be dying a slow and painful death inside and still be cracking jokes and laughing until we get cramps in our cheeks.

Today I finally asked myself why. I couldn’t think of anything except for ‘Well, that’s what everyone says to do… ‘ The ironic thing is, if everyone is putting on a show for everyone else, and we all tell each other to stay positive because it makes us look good (it enhances our show), then why the hell should anyone be listening? What does ‘staying positive’ really do for us except help us be fake? If I don’t feel positive, I don’t want to portray positivity! Throughout my life I’ve learned that it is appropriate to always portray the best in yourself and shove aside any negativity. Well I, for one, am done.

Negative emotions are healthy

Staying positive and shoving aside any negative emotions, acknowledging them as ‘bad’, has been hurting us for a very long time. It is human to have negative emotions. IT’S HEALTHY! I can’t even recall how many children I have seen being told to stop being angry or stop being sad. This teaches them that ‘negative emotions’ are a BAD thing and that they are BAD for having them, and it makes things so much harder for them.

In my own life, I have experienced situations in which I wasn’t positive of a good outcome, such as a certain job interview. That negativity made me want to work harder to do everything that I could to try to secure the job. In the end I succeeded. The same can be said for the opposite as well. There have been jobs that I was certain I would get. I felt like I had the interview in the bag. I was bound to succeed! In turn, I didn’t go out of my way to go above and beyond to try to get the job. In the end, my confidence and positivity made me fail.

This post is not about promoting any one emotion. I strongly believe that we have all the emotions we do for a reason. When we sweep a certain emotion under the rug, we always eventually have to clean under that rug once things pile up too much. Just like its metaphor, cleaning under the rug once you’ve swept a lot of gunk under it can get incredibly messy.

Ignoring our instincts

I say it a lot in my mental health posts, but people have good days and bad days. Everyone does. Some have bad more than good. I know how that is. I really do. My husband and I have been in a tight spot financially ever since we’ve been married. That was three years ago. I tried to be positive about our situation but I found that the more positive I tried to be, the more okay I became with not having goals for the future. I got comfortable with where we were at, and had no desire to improve things. When we were at the point of financial struggles that meant we weren’t sure if we were going to be able to pay rent or eat each month, not wanting to improve things was an incredibly bad thing. Too much positivity can be bad.

As humans we have always striven to be better and have better. It is what drives us. The mindset of needing to stay positive is killing one of our basic instincts. Why is it more socially appropriate to remain positive at all times, despite hardships in our lives? Is it so wrong to be angry or to cry in public? Why are our most basic emotions viewed as bad?

Punished for our feelings

In short, it starts when we are children. We are taught that anger, tantrums, crying, and whining are unacceptable. They aren’t tolerated, and we’re disciplined for them. So children grow up believing that it is wrong to have those feelings, and in turn, try their best to hide them. There is only one problem. Nobody can just banish their natural feelings. The solution to all this? Teach children it’s healthy to have emotions. Teach them a safe way to handle them. Don’t discourage so-called ‘negative emotions’.

That’s all well and good for the kids, right, but what about the adults? Well, you don’t have to be positive. Be sad, be angry, be a little in-between – be whatever you really feel, because when it all comes down to it, do you want to spend your life putting on a ‘positive’ and fake show for everyone else? Yeah, me neither.

– Shae

Reproduced with permission, originally posted on ashadeofshamrock.com