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0 By Mrs McEwan
How do you deal with a significant traumatic event when you are already suffering from PTSD and BPD (EID/EUPD) and all its wonderful friends like anxiety and depression and insomnia etc? How do you cope with new trauma?
Just when I was in a good place
This time last year, at 32, I had been diagnosed for about 15 months. I was coming to terms with what my diagnosis meant and learning about my triggers and traits and how they manifested. I was feeling a bit more confident as I finally had a reason for the “way I was”.
For years I had just been a bit unstable, especially in relationships, and my behaviours at times were bizarre to say the least. However I was finally in a “good place”, in terms of help anyway. I had finally gotten a psychiatrist who listened and was helpful, same with a CPN and I was ready to begin STEPPS which is centred around DBT/CBT. Finally, there seemed to be a little light at the end of the tunnel. Although I was still struggling, I was feeling a bit more positive about my future.
Then…
Then life changed dramatically! My papa, who was a rock in my life, important for people with BPD, began to get very sick very quickly, and we lost him in May. This was devastating and caused my sister to take an overdose (which she thankfully survived). Then only eleven short weeks later I was called to my Gran’s house as she had taken a “fall”. With this new trauma, my life has been like something from a TV drama series.
Following my Gran’s fall, she passed away six days later. Then came a police investigation. This was due to the fact that my uncle was actually at home and for reasons only known to him, chose not to tell anyone or get help for 1-2 hours (times have varied). I was always concerned about his behaviour and reluctance to get help. He had been taking advantage of my Gran financially and by stealing her meds for a while, and now this. I called social services for assistance, never expecting my Gran to die. I wanted to make sure she would finally be safe.
Completely disheartened
The police were horrendous. They decided no criminality had occurred and their investigation was abominable. We’re finally trying to come to terms with a horrible few months. We’ve received a copy of my Gran’s post mortem which describes horrendous injuries. And again my BPD traits are off. The anger, especially, the feeling everything, crying at how horrible her final moments may have been. And the absolute determination that I need answers.
I am now sitting here writing to you and your followers, after meeting with the local law and police officials regarding this and being told they still don’t believe a crime has taken place, and that nothing can be done. I am both brokenhearted and completely disheartened that there will never be justice for a death that could have been avoided had adequate help been sought sooner. I’m struggling to see the point now, which is a massive contrast to where I was last year.
So my question is, how do you keep fighting? How do you get back on track when an already traumatic existence is filled with new trauma? When every door knocked for help is unable to assist?
UNITED STATES
UNITED KINGDOM
You just have to know nothing changes by perceived justice in a scenario such as yours. I believe the human spirit can adjust to the worst situations but it cannot adjust to really ugly, situations of its own making. That is if the person isn’t a sociopath and has not a whit of empathy. However, you can guarantee that over time, the walls and the skin the person lives in will become more of a prison for having gotten away with such a heinous act of neglectful man slaughter. Opioid and pain medication addiction rises daily and unfortunately the crimes committed by those who feel the need to get high overtakes even a mother and son relationship. It’s not going to be easy – but forgive yourself and forgive those hard to love people. It’s in these moments of grace we find our truest spiritual gifts. I’ve been through two greed based neglectful deaths of my parents while going though metastatic cancer myself. Not an easy hat trick to pull off but had I not found my way to this conclusion, I myself would be dead, too.
Peace and strength in strange times…
Ilene
Thank you so much for those supportive and encouraging words. I am hoping regarding self punishment you are right, I hope for some form of justice. And I hope to carry on with the strength we all can demonstrate at times. I like your way of thinking. Thank you.