The Journey of a Lifetime

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By Gemma Day

2017 started so completely differently to any other year and, in a way, I am pleased this year was different. I became unwell. I was depressed and suicidal. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Why me? Why am I depressed? I have a happy life and consider myself very lucky, so why did I want to die? I was in pain and had no understanding of what was happening.

My way of thinking had changed, my thoughts were dark, I hated myself. With no confidence, I felt like a massive burden on my family, and I felt I was incompetent at everything in my life. I was lucky, my family and friends picked me up every time I hit rock bottom, and god did I need them. With people by my side and an excellent counsellor, I slowly started to look after myself more. And I came to terms with depression and dealt with my pain better.

The fight of my life

Not only did I have the fight of my life this year (that’s how it felt) but I had booked the trip of a lifetime, my 20 year dream. Trekking to Everest Base Camp. How on earth was I to do this whilst so unwell? I had six months to get better and train – that’s easier said than done. Depression has this complete hold on you, so getting up and training is the last thing on your mind. Especially when some days you cannot get up.

This was going to be impossible. However, there was this old stubborn me still inside my head telling me not to give up, not to let depression have too much grip on my life. Every single day was a battle of two strong ‘personalities’. Me and depression.

I was about to trek to Everest in the hardest year of my life. I had absolutely no idea if this was achievable. However, I was alive and anything is possible if you’re alive. But that was something I wasn’t sure about – would I actually get to November? Depression almost won.

I conquered the journey of my lifetime

I achieved it – I got to Base Camp and I conquered depression too.

If someone had told me earlier this year that I would survive depression and complete the Everest Base Camp trek this year, I would have certainly laughed. (If depression had allowed me to laugh.)
You can absolutely do anything. With depression or without. It will just be slightly harder with!