By Alan D.D.
To love someone is a hard thing when you feel so low there’s no visible way up. To take the chance to care about someone else and care about what they think of you. There comes a time when someone walks into our hearts when we’re in our most vulnerable, hurt state, trying to heal. But if you allow it, this thing called love can teach you a thing or two about depression. You don’t have to be saved by anyone.
Giving it all
All of my relationships have failed so far and each one hurt me more than the last one. But not because of my depression and mental health issues. It was because I didn’t let them teach me what they had to, and because I didn’t think about myself when I needed to.
We are told from when we are little, naïve children, that we have to give it all in the name of love. That our significant other, that missing soul mate, deserves the Sun, the Moon and the stars once we meet each other. And that, in the end, our love will conquer all if it’s genuine. Biggest, fattest lie ever.
That’s exactly what I did with all of my relationships. I gave my all to them. I opened my heart completely, thinking that this time was the right time. This person will save me, the others were all villains that deserved to be in hell. That our love would be the end of the story and we’d live happily ever after. That was the mistake.
You don’t have to be saved
Being in love is not about giving your whole self to the other, forgetting about yourself. Especially if you suffer from depression. The sensation of being healed during the first months is great, that idea of being sane, healthy and whole again. But if you don’t take care of yourself it’s just a matter of time before it all ends, leaving you worse than before.
Imagine how I felt after seven (seven!) break-ups. I did the same thing over and over again, not taking my time to know those people the way I should. And when I thought I had found the right one, I was wounded deeply. It has taken me two years so far to recover from the emotional disorder that garbage caused me.
You don’t have to be saved, at all. The only thing you need is to take your time when meeting someone else, caring about you in the first, second and third place. Hide your heart in the ocean and let them fight for it. See who can find it and bring it to the surface first, causing the least possible pain in the process. Then you can start thinking about love. I know that’s what I’ll be waiting to be done, from no one, and it has helped me more than you can imagine.