Panic & Me

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By Helen Turvey

As we approach the end of 2016, people will start to think about what sort of year they have just had, and whether or not this next one is going to be a lot better,
What they have learnt from it and what they are going to do differently?
Maybe a new job, finding love, maybe more travelling, eating more healthier, giving up smoking or the booze or maybe just changing your life.
But that’s okay if you’re a NORMAL person, living a Normal life (I often question what in fact it is to be normal, or if normal even exists), who knows, but one thing I do know, is that I am definitely not it!

For me, a New Years resolution isn’t any of the above, well that’s a bit of a lie!
I would like to stop smoking, but at the moment that is one of my last priorities, even though my lads would love it if I could stop! But no, for me, my News Years resolutions or goals if you like, are being able to actually get out my house to do my weekly shop without having a complete melt down and without feeling like I’m going too combust with heat overload!
Or being able to go to my sons parents evening, without feeling like I am going to be physically sick, or even be able to go to my friends for a coffee and a good catch up,
(Which is literary, like five miles down the road) but just the thought of it, puts me in a panic, and then I end up feeling like I am going to have a heart attack!!
I don’t know if anyone can relate to what I am talking about, see, even writing this, gives me a sense of panic, thinking that no one will like it or even read it, but this is my life on a daily basis, what I am describing is very real, a battle, an up hill struggle. Every single day is a challenge!

How I got here is a very long story, so to save you from falling asleep, I will not go into to much detail at this point, but I will chat about it now and again over time as it is very significant to how I became this way. But for now, all I will say is that this last year for me, has been one of the most challenging and hardest I have ever had to face. Not only have I been grieving for my late husband who died suddenly 14 months ago, but I have also been diagnosed and suffer from Extreme anxiety, panic disorder and slight depression (though this seems to be semi under control at the moment).
Oh and a tad of Agoraphobia thrown in as well for good measure. I am currently taking 40mg of Fluoxetine and Diazepam if and when I need it, I think my medication is starting to work, but it has taken some time to find the right level. I have also recently started CBT Exposure therapy, and this is what I will be chatting about, and hopefully it will not only help me with my recovery, but hopefully help others as well.