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0 By Kirsty
Agnostic I may well be but I like Christmas. A lot. Not obsessed or anything but I do like it. True, it has its pitfalls and foibles but I believe it’s fundamentally a good thing. Peace, love and good will to all men might well be a pipe dream in reality, but overall it’s a good goal to be aiming for and a good principal to have. Yes, it should most definitely apply all through the year. But it’s good to have a time period that puts an emphasis on this and reminds us, because even the most kind and good-natured of us have a tendency to slide from that from time to time. And if you’re going to put an emphasis on it then winter, the bleakest, coldest, wettest, darkest season of the year is most definitely the time to be doing that.
Christmas
Christmas is one of only a handful of things I credit my mother for “doing” really really well when I was a child. And like most of us I strive to emulate the good things from my childhood with my own children.
I love the vibrancy of the lights and candles, the atmosphere they create.
I love the smells.
Agnostic I may be but I do greatly appreciate organised religion for is its contributions to the arts. Some of the Christmas hymns and carols are beautiful, no other word for it. “Silent Night”? “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”? They’re divine pieces. Just gorgeous.
Above all, I love the particular type of warm/fuzzy feel that’s induced. There are other types of warm/fuzzies but this is unique to this season. There’s nothing quite like it
Christmas is a sensory feast that I for one enjoy immensely.
But I’ll be in a bit of a panic
Like most, however, I do struggle with it sometimes. Often. Every single year despite my best efforts I’ll end up in a bit of a panic over some aspect of another. And that’s leaving aside whatever day-to-day drama might be happening at the time (and believe me there’s been plenty of that this year).
This year, I’ve been especially disorganised and left the prep till far later than usual. I have feelings of being a crap parent and three actual anxiety dreams about it being Christmas Day and nothing being ready. I appreciate this is a very fortunate anxiety dream to be having and that in my case it’s a dream and not a reality as for so very many in much worse situations. However I’m not having that discussion here and now.
It’s all too easy for even the most good-natured of us to get caught up in the mass frenzy of stress and panic and the material. There was the year when youngest was three and obsessed with Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom. I decided that a particular playset would make a perfect gift for her. I then spent weeks stressing because it had been discontinued and was only being sold for stupid extortion on eBay. Then I suddenly had an epiphany one day – she hadn’t actually asked for it, it had been ME who’d decided it would be ideal. She didn’t need it – and I snapped out of it. Felt really good.
I stress less
However I’m getting much better at not stressing. I don’t berate myself as much as I used to if I flake on an event or social for example. I breathe and take stock regularly. And I don’t do fucking Elf on the Shelf. I’m trying hard to ignore Pinterest and Instagram. Amazon Prime is my bestie (no tramping the streets with heavy bags). If I can accommodate other people I will, but I no longer strive to please everyone. I don’t take in more than I can handle. Can I help out with the school grotto? No probably not in all likelihood. And thank Christ the school run is not the gruelling daily ordeal it used to be. I’m not struggling to cope with that in addition to organising the festive period at home.
Last year I struggled a lot with fatigue. Christmas Day had me exhausted and Boxing Day had me very very low and sobbing over the coffee table. I’m hoping to avoid anything like that this year but also accept it is sometimes inevitable. If it happens it happens.
Keep calm and carry on
As it stands it’s nine sleeps to go, as the countdown on Sky likes to remind me every time it gets turned on, and I’m trying not to panic. After weeks of not doing a thing I threw myself into it last weekend and made sure I enjoyed it as much as I could. I’m breathing, I keep telling myself everything’s ok (if only in regard to the holidays) and everything’s in hand. I’m not allowing myself to get too caught up in stress and if I feel myself slipping after a wobble or two, usually directed at S, I pull myself back up again.
I am Keeping Calm and Carrying On.
And I am striving for peace, clinging to love and working at applying good will to ALL. Even if the latter is especially difficult when witnessing how terribly people can treat each other.
Much Love
Kirsty
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Reproduced with permission, originally posted on muchlovekirsty.co.uk
UNITED STATES
UNITED KINGDOM
