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0 By Alan D.D.
I always loved fairy tales and Disney movies. I just like any form of fantasy. Magical creatures, enchanted forests, fairies, witches, winged horses and so on were a very large part of my childhood. However, there is a part that I was not comfortable with for a long time: Prince Charming.
Boys don’t cry
In fairy tales, it is the princess who suffers, it is the princess who is afraid, it is the princess who is trapped and caged. And it is the prince who frees her, conquers her heart in no time and who is confident and strong. He can do whatever he must in order to gain her love, maybe even more. And if he’s afraid, he quickly overcomes his nerves and insecurities, because he is not the princess.
Being completely honest, I never thought about it, but I think a part of me didn’t resonate with the figure of the prince. I was scared of everything, I was the worst sports player (and I am still, as a matter of fact). And I never had the confidence and strong image my parents wanted me to have.
I was often told that infamous phrase parents tell their sons when they are overwhelmed by a situation: Boys don’t cry. Although it never changed anything. I cried a lot, and I mean A LOT, when something was out of my hands. And each time came that same phrase that I cannot tolerate now. I’m wondering why that could be.
Double standards everywhere
Right now there is a lot of talk about women’s rights. Each day comes with a different revelation about society’s expectations of the female population. And 90% of the mental health ads I see show women. I’m happy, because women have been mistreated and seen as the weaker sex for a long, long time. Yet, tables are turning right now and not for the better.
It is okay for a girl not to shave, not to be on a diet, not to use make-up, not to have fancy hair 24/7. This is encouraged in order to appreciate natural beauty. That’s great, but does the same apply to a man, the Prince Charming of the tale? Nope.
Just a quick example: There is a viral drawing about a fat girl and a thin boy in love. It has been shared about a hundred times, and only once have I seen the same image with the genders changed. Only once. And it came with nasty comments such as being ‘a virgin loser’s fantasy’ and the like. I invite you to search for that image and tell me if you can find it.
I don’t fill those expectations
Just as for women, society has certain expectations and unwritten rules for men: don’t cry, be strong, be brave, have a good body, have a solid income. These also come with the expectations men have for themselves. It is not a mystery that when a man has slept with a lot of women, he is a hero, while those who don’t are seen as failures.
I never filled those expectations, I never felt confident being the boy, the guy others wanted me to be. And I still feel I have to fight against the masculine image others want to impose on me because that’s not me. I do not want to sleep with a different woman every weekend. I don’t want to work in an office, and I want to cry as much as I want.
I’ve been called immature, capricious, faggot, idiot and more because of being who I am. It makes it worse knowing that if I had been born a girl I wouldn’t be facing this. But it’s okay, because that’s part of who I am: A man that doesn’t care about being the damned Prince Charming.
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