The Girl with no Past

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By JDMM

The girl with no past…

Sounds far fetched and fictional… it does to me, anyway. Unfortunately, it is all too real. I remember very little of my childhood. Only snapshots remain. I know my childhood through the eyes of cousins, friends and alike, but I have very little that I remember.

Years Have Vanished

You see, I’m a survivor of long-term sexual, physical, mental, verbal and emotional abuse from soon after birth to the age of 15. My young mind apparently tucked away the more horrific times of my childhood traumas, which has resulted in years wiped from my memory.

I remember plenty that was very horrific: beaten to the point of many broken bones and other unspeakable things. The stuff of horror movies are no match for the memories I have, but there were things, apparently, my psyche felt I couldn’t handle in order to remain sane.

Once I Learnt to Love me, I Could Heal

I still have issues forming memories as an adult. I still battle anxiety issues, fight-or-flight, insomnia and many, many other lasting effects. Yet, it’s not insurmountable.

I’m 46 and I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 25 years now. I have 4 amazing kids and a life that I never thought possible for someone who was dealt the hand life dealt me.

It takes support, love, acceptance, patience and understanding! The biggest obstacle for me was self-worth. Once I learned to love me, that unlovable little girl, I began to heal.