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0 By Steve Buchanan
Firstly, some of what I write about in this post may be hard to ‘unhear’. My hope is, this will inspire you to start at least one open dialogue with a friend, colleague or loved one…
For a long time in my life, I’ve been living two different lives. There’s the life that everyone sees, where I am the Head of IT @ BW having been in the IT industry nearly 20 years, the construction industry specifically for 18 of those years. I’m an educated (MBA with Henley), fun-loving colleague, friend, dad, son, brother, someone who loves being out, partying, enjoying himself.
That’s the life everyone sees. And if you were to ask me to describe myself, I’d probably say some of those same things too. I wouldn’t totally be telling you the truth, however. Because the truth is, that’s just the life everyone else sees or I project. In the life that only I see, who I am, who I really am, is someone who struggles intensely with depression. I have for the last six years of my life, and it’s likely I will continue to every day.
Misunderstanding mental health
Research has provided a level of awareness within business and our industry of some of the effects depression has on employees. However, I know from speaking to many people about this after my recent major depressive episode, that saw me hospitalised, many people don’t really know what depression means. A common phrase I’ve heard is, ‘You’re the last person I would have suspected of suffering depression’.
There seems to be a popular misconception that depression is just being sad when something in your life goes wrong: when you break up with your partner, are diagnosed with an illness or lose a loved one. That’s sadness. That’s a natural human emotion. Depression. however, isn’t being sad when something in your life goes wrong. Depression is being sad when everything in your life is seemingly going right. That’s what I, and 1 in 4 adults worldwide, will suffer from during their lifetime.
And yet we talk very little about mental health. Whispering seems commonplace. It’s hard for me to post about it; I wavered as to whether I could talk and post about it. It seems hard for anyone to talk about it. Why? When mental health is something we ALL have (the key word here is ‘health’), perhaps the phrase mental ill-health is a better taxonomy. All mental health exists on a continuum, and it follows that our awareness of it is probably the same. And yet, many of us treat it as the mother-in-law we can’t kick out! We know we should address it, but we don’t want to broach the subject.
We feel others feel we’re weak
We talk about broken bones, cancer, physical injuries, and people have an understanding, know how to react, even. It’s the body breaking down. However, we’ve known about depression since Ancient Greek times: Melancholia, as it was titled then. Why don’t we talk about it more easily? The core reason we struggle to talk about it, is in this simple word, Stigma.
Now, stigma is depression’s strongest ally. There is a personal stigma inside ourselves and how we PERCEIVE the view of others to be of us (based on our own poor view of ourselves at the time). This prevents many seeking help or speaking out, because the brain breaking down is a profound experience. So, we internalise, we self-criticise, we feel others feel we’re weak. This shame, embarrassment, thought of a disappointing look on a friends face, prevent us reaching out. That’s what keeps you from getting help. That’s what makes you hold it in and hide it. It’s the stigma. You then feel like you’re slowly getting forced into a corner. It begins to feel like there’s only one way out. That’s the sickness, that’s the struggle, that’s the stigma building – that’s depression.
The ‘Health’ of Health & Safety
Worse still, depression isn’t a broken arm. You don’t mend it once, then it’s fixed. It’s something you have to learn to live with, these four words, ‘I suffer from depression’. The severity of this as a problem is very real. Within the UK construction industry, we’re all very aware of and driven by Health and Safety. This approach, primarily on the ‘Safety’ element, has achieved a dramatic reduction in the number of deaths on sites. The UK now has the best safety record of ANY country in the EU in relation to deaths on construction sites, down to 30 in 2016 (one fifth of what it was 30 years ago). However, I think we would all agree, this figure is still too high. And yet, in 2015, a construction employee in the UK was 44 times more likely to commit suicide than to die in an accident on site.
44 times! That’s over one thousand, three hundred lost to suicide in 2015 alone… We MUST help change this, we MUST also focus on the Health of Health and Safety and include Mental Health. We can’t procrastinate on something this important. The first step in solving any problem is the recognition and acceptance of the problem in the first place. It starts with us. It starts with you. We need to stop being afraid of asking the question – do I/you/your colleagues/your friends have depression? Asking – and meaning it – if someone’s OK. It’s like standing for that pregnant lady on the tube, who’s not actually pregnant… it may feel embarrassing, but at least you had good intentions. So, what happens? We end up not standing up, or asking how our friend/colleague is at all… we begin to discriminate.
I almost didn’t ask for help
It’s important to note here… If you, your colleague, your friend is going through it, know that you/they can be okay. Know that you/they’re sick, not weak! Know that this is VERY common. We can overcome both the illness AND the stigma; the wall is falling, so to speak. The sea change in openness has allowed many people, myself included, to seek help. Let’s be there for those that need our help. Support them to say, ‘I need help’. I almost didn’t ask for help. I sent one WhatsApp message. One. That was my asking for help. If it hadn’t been heard, or had been misinterpreted…
Well, I think this video says it best. Suicide notes talk too late…
How employers can help
So… what can we/are we doing about it?
Firstly, know there is a vast array of help available. Being able to ask for help has allowed me to receive some great support from my company, BW. We’re now delivering the following changes within our business, to help others in both our business and industry:
BW have scheduled Mental Health First Aiders training courses, training individuals to identify and support those in need.
BW operate a confidential employee assistance program (EAP), operating 24×7 providing guidance and support and steps you can take in gaining help – many businesses do, spread the word about yours.
BW support the charity Rethink, a mental health charity who support individuals through their recognition, acceptance and integration of their mental health issues in their daily lives.
1in4 UK Book Store:
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BW are running, in conjunction with City of London/Business Healthy, Suicide Prevention Awareness sessions to help individuals recognise when colleagues are reaching such lows.
BW are also sharing our focus on employee mental health with others in our industry, starting with our preferred suppliers, as the change starts with us.
Each of these initiatives will help individuals to face the one truth, depression is okay. It’s not taboo. You’re not alone. The change starts with all of us making it acceptable to ask for help. And remember, people suffering depression still have good days even when suffering, we may just have to work at them a little more!
Thank you for reading this. Please share and spread the word, helping to break down the stigma associated with this illness.
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This is a really important message. Even if your not prone to depression or anxiety, doesn’t mean life can’t send you that direction. Destigmatizing the question, “should I ask for help” is an important part of destigmatizing mental health issues. We all need to ask for help sometimes. I know i wish I would have a lot earlier in my life! Great post on an important issue.