Dealing With Loneliness & Mental Illness

My lonesomeness goes deeper than being lonely. I am the only one in my family battling serious mental illnesses, and it's a taboo subject here.

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By Avion Anderson

This topic has been weighing heavily on my mind for a very long time now. It has come up on numerous occasions among members of my family, as it relates to me. It is a known fact that, according to the World Health Organization, loneliness and isolation are one of the most significant contributors to poor health and disability.

Loneliness

Loneliness is associated with and contributes significantly to poor mental health. This includes illnesses such as depression, and poorer physical health, including cardio-vascular disease. To me, loneliness is in fact one of the most dangerous killers, as opposed to obesity and other health risks.

Back to me. I am not in any way in denial about being alone, and at times I do tend to feel lonely. But my lonesomeness goes deeper than me being lonely. I suffer with social anxiety disorder and schizoid personality disorder. I have social phobias. So these two disorders makes it impossible for me to think about socializing and mingling, being part of the crowd or the centre of attention. I hate this so much.

Even in my home…

They have brought on a distrust in me about interacting with people. This is even in my own home. I barely interact with those in my household, as I find myself always in my bedroom. It’s part bedroom and part my home office, so to speak. The only time I ever leave is to eat and bathe, go to the grocery store, meditate, exercise, go to my sessions and otherwise. But otherwise I can always be found in my room.

I also have a hard time interacting with others in my community and country. I’m better with those on the internet. I believe this stems from the fact that I am behind a screen, rather than in person. My anxiety and depression also play a great part in my isolation from those around me and my utter lonesome state.

In fact loneliness and isolation are on the rise and, surprisingly, are now being recognized as a crucial variable that needs to be resolved. Especially given the rapid growth of the ageing population in most countries.

I struggle and fight onward

I am surrounded by many people, even in my own home. Yet I am still all alone, as I am the only one battling serious mental illnesses. It’s a taboo subject here in my country of Tobago, Trinidad and Tobago, and across the Caribbean and the wider world. It’s hard for me to deny it, but it is even harder and more difficult for me to deal with, since it is part of my mental illness. I struggle each and every day with trying to overcome this lonesomeness, but I still struggle and fight onward. I take into consideration a multi-faceted approach among other things, such as:

– Getting in touch with the reality that is me, by improving my relationship with myself. Many would say that I already have; but the truth is I don’t have any relationship with myself. I am always at war with my mind, so that I don’t get the time to think about me and getting to know who I am. It’s impossible for me to form a good relationship with anyone, if I don’t have one with myself.

I would love one day to be taken seriously and be considered a good person and friend by others. My main aim in this regard is to first overcome my mental disorders and disabilities that hold me back. This will be by taking an active role in my physical and mental health and wellbeing.

And my relationships

– Also working on improving the quality of my existing relationships with members of my household. That is: mother, stepfather, half-siblings (brother and sister) and my other siblings, and my father. I don’t see my stepmother at all, so I don’t communicate with her, nor my stepsisters. I do try to find out if they are okay, if there’s anything that I can help them with. Even though at times I wish that they would say no.

– Work on building more and better quality, positive relationships with those in my community and throughout my country. And even with tourists that I might come into contact with when they visit the island. Renew old friendships with my former friends, who I have not spoken to in years due to my mental condition. But not to force my situation on them, or it might scare them away forever. Also to forge new friendships and positive and productive relationships with others, through networking, meet-ups and other avenues.

Community

– Become an active member of my community. Volunteer more, and even attend and get more involved in seminars, workshops and conferences. Even take up public speaking, as it relates to raising awareness and giving voice to mental illness. As stated, it’s critical and totally important for me to replenish my network and continue to build new and more relevant friendships with those who shares similar interests and hobbies, and I am opened and willing to try something new: join clubs and/or go to meetings where I am most likely to meet others who share my ideals and passions.

This will be very difficult for me to accomplish, as I not only have to deal with lonesomeness, but also mental illness, that seem to rob me of the joys of living life to the fullest. I might want to forget it all together, but I am willing to push ahead in dealing with both my mental illnesses and my lonesomeness and help others deal with theirs through building and improving positive and productive relationships with everyone, by applying it to my daily or weekly life.

Reproduced with permission, originally posted on avionneslegacy