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0 By Alan D.D.
Just an hour or so ago before I started to write this, I had one of those moments when everything seems worthless, where depression took me by the throat and tightened its grip on the colours of my heart, until I was choking with my tears. Nothing new for me or for you, because being honest, why would you be reading this if it wasn’t your case?
However, we often forget something pretty important, something that could save us whenever that happens, no matter where we are, with who, when, if it’s day or night time. It’s just a little thing that could mean the world for us and that, one way or the other, we have to trigger in order to remember: The colour of our heartbeats can change.
The colour of our heartbeats
Right now, as I keep writing, I feel my heart beating in yellow and white, afraid of the whole world, terrified of what tomorrow could bring, feeling empty for the reasons it has to. But also with hope, daring to shine bright, deciding to go ahead with whatever it takes to follow my dreams.
Just an hour ago, the beats were deep blue, burying me in the deep of my depression, not letting me take the slightest of breaths, and it almost turned into red because of my self-harm past, as the idea came back to my mind, but I froze it, forced it to stop, forced my lungs to bring air into them and forced my mind to mute the screams. Here I am, safe and sound, with my eyes burning and hurting, but my heart with new colours.
This doesn’t mean that blue and red are bad tones for your heart to have. Blue is wisdom, it is feelings, emotions, memories, and red is passion, love, life, rage, fury, control. You can decide what they mean to you, but it is always easier for us to change them, to will our hearts to beat in another colour if our mind doesn’t want to work, and that’s totally fine.
Be the artist
What is a must for us all is to take charge of those colours, the tones our heart beats in, and change them if they stop working, if they do us harm or if they could mean something else, something safer, healthier. If we have been capable of walking all this length, then why wouldn’t be able to go further? Where is it written that we’re fated to remain in here, that we have to keep ourselves locked right where we are? Why, right in those blue and red lines inside our chests, of course.
As we use colours in art, we make the greatest of masterpieces from ourselves if we know how to play our cards, how to mix the tones and use our brush. If running away and denying the problem has proved to be of no good, then we can try to turn it into something totally different!
Invite the demons, play the Good Samaritan, and as soon as they give us a hand, take their whole arms, wrap them, trap them just like they used to do with you, and will your heart to swallow them, to change them, to alter their colours, their shapes and leave them so different they have no choice but to help us.
Our hearts will beat still, but the colours will make the difference, I promise you.
UNITED STATES
UNITED KINGDOM
[…] now, as I write this, I am not depressed. I feel positive, creative and optimistic. Yet, I know that at some point, today, tomorrow, or any day of the week or month, I […]