Being Told at 10, "If you don't snap out of this you will be locked away"

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By Beanie

Hi, I’ve suffered from mental health issues since I was 10 years old. It started with a voice in my head telling me if I didn’t do a certain thing I would die.

I was taken to the doctors and I will never forget his words, “If you don’t snap out of this, you will be locked away.”

Still, I continued hearing the voice, but kept it to myself because I was so frightened of being locked up.

That was 45 years ago and I still suffer to this day. I’ve tried CBT and many other treatments but I’m still getting the voice.

The Monster Inside Me

It’s a constant battle with this monster. Some days are better than others. My partner also suffers mental health issues and he has taken to drinking. He says that’s the only thing that makes him feel better. His drinking makes my mental health worse as it causes him to be very confrontational. It feels like my head will explode.

Managing the Monster

The monster is constantly messing with my head, to the extent I have started pulling my eyebrows out, along with my hair, over the last ten years. It makes me feel like I’ve won against the monster some days.

I am trapped in my head, and in my daily life, as I suffer other health conditions too. If I manage to get out, the voice is a constant nuisance. Its monstrous sayings mean I am often standing in a shop or in the street, and it’ll tell me my house is on fire. And that if I don’t go home, then my family members will come to some kind of harm, so I go home.

I Will Win Some Day

This monster inside me controls my life. I wake up every day to a constant battle with the monster within and I feel I have no fight in me. Also, I feel I can’t take it any longer.

I need to run away but the monster is with me, and I fear that one day it will win and my fight with it will be over.