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0 By Rich Tee
The Cloak of Depression hides all symptoms. For me, it has a shaven face with a happy smile, twinkling eyes and a cheery disposition. It comes with a tie and a top button neatly done up. It even has a ‘pleasantness feature’ button inside that you can press and the voice is turned bright and cheery. My deluxe version even includes socks that are pulled up.
So, every day I pull it over my head and let it drape over me. I have to take care though, as there are metal rods inside to make me stand tall. These often cause muscle tension in my back and neck muscles causing them to stiffen and ache. Also, with the fixed smile feature, it is tricky to eat much and through the twinkling eyes my food actually appears dull and unappealing, making it hard to engage any appetite.
Inside the cloak
Inside the cloak there is only darkness, nothing but fear, guilt, loss of form and self-identity. The cloak is also heavy and every day I wear it, it drains me of my energy. So, when I get home and finally remove the cloak, there is nothing left to give. But hey, it lets me get away with the day, it allows me to function to some degree and live another day … of lies.
That’s why when you find out I have depression, you may well say:
‘Oh, I didn’t know’
‘You don’t look depressed’
‘You look alright to me’
‘Really?’
‘Huh, depression?’
I wear it so that you don’t have to experience this insidious thing. You don’t need to know what this is, if you have never experienced it.
Reproduced with permission, originally posted here: runningismyantidepressant.wordpress.com
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