0 
0 By Laura
Obsessive compulsive disorder, or any severe mental health issue, has an impact on every part of your life, I have found. From how I perceive things, to my relationship with my husband and friends, to how I dress or even my energy levels. For the past 2 months I have been suffering an intense OCD breakdown, and have not been able to work. As someone who is obsessive about their work and career, this hasn’t been easy, but during this difficult time I’ve learnt some of the most valuable lessons which I would never have believed.
1. Self-care
You might think you don’t have time for self-care, I certainly didn’t. I had a stack of books; unread, scrapbooks still sealed and baking sets neglected. I always managed a daily bubble bath, but usually answered work emails or caught up on social media. I honestly believed I didn’t have time, and this turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy as I collapsed onto the sofa to watch Netflix and eat dinner at 10pm, yet being fully versed in the holiday photos of an acquaintance I went to school with 2 decades ago….So, I deleted all of my social media accounts*.
Deactivating would not have been sufficient, as I would have reactivated them at a moment of weakness when I could not get out of bed and had exhausted the Netflix newly added list. After a few weeks of it feeling rather unnatural not knowing the intricacies of old friends and colleague’s lives, I began to realise that it isn’t necessary. I was being exposed to images and videos which represented the seemingly perfect life of my friends; holidays, meals out, engagements, new babies, new jobs, the list is endless…How could this not affect my mental health, especially when I used social media during mundane points of my day, such as during packed commute or whilst queuing in Sainsbury’s? Since deleting my social media accounts, I have reached out to friends – actually reached out and had conversations.
Their daily life was no longer documented for me to peruse, so I had to reach out and ask – it made me realise who I actually missed, and who I wanted to speak to. Those mundane times, or quiet times in the bath? I found I was reading a chapter of a book or reading the news, maybe texting a friend. I felt closer to my friends than I have in years and realised how much time I had been wasting viewing publicly available filtered images of them – real friends will send you important images anyway!
*except LinkedIn, which I need for work and professional development.
2. You can be a sociable person and not drink
In fact you can go on holidays and go on date nights and not drink. This honestly hadn’t occurred to me before; my social gatherings were in pubs, my holidays were to an all inclusive in Mexico where it seemed rude not to indulge in a mimosa with breakfast – and date night? Usually my husband and I eating out or doing an activity then drinking all afternoon or evening. Even my work events focused on award ceremonies and launch parties, where drinks are free-flowing (and always free).
Without dwelling on the past, I had one particularly bad morning. After a heavy night drinking back in February, where I woke up and simply did not want to live anymore. It’s impossible to put this feeling into words. It was a feeling so strong it was like hunger or tiredness. I had to be sedated. My husband had to hold me for hours whilst I sobbed uncontrollably about being worthless and wanting to die.
I could not put myself – or my husband – through that again. So, in the past 2 months since I have given up drinking I have had seemingly long weekends, where I wake up at 9 (not hungover). I’ve been eating more healthily, and achieve more. I have completed the three peaks and a half marathon in the past 8 weeks. Before this, most weekends would consist of drinking 15 vodkas and chain smoking 20 Marlborough lights; relying on my bank statement to tell me where I had ended up (and how much I had spent…). I am meeting friends for coffee. I’ve had my nephew for 2 full weekends. I have never felt closer to my husband – and we’ve had much more memorable fun.
This does come at a cost, at the moment I am actively avoiding situations where I feel I have to drink – launch parties, for example, but that is a small cost to know I am going to wake up without the urge to kill myself.
3. Two words: Marie Kondo.
For someone who feels so out of control, with my thoughts, my inability to work, and my self-perception – being able to control my environment, bring order and ensure every item ‘brings joy’ has been one of most helpful tools I could use. I can’t recommend her book enough! Read it in the time you save by not looking at social media, when you’re not hungover from drinking too much the night before!
These tips might not help everyone, but they work for me. If you had told me 3 months ago that these would work, I would never have believed you. If you’re suffering, everything is worth a try. Try these – you never know, if these don’t work, they might introduce you to something else that does.
UNITED STATES
UNITED KINGDOM
