It's only a bad day, not a bad life

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By Di

I’m 52 and married with four children. Seven years ago I suffered a bout of depression which led to me getting into financial difficulties. The more depressed I got the less able I was to deal with my debt. The worry ate away at me.

Its-only-a-bad-day-not-a-bad-life-pin - I'm 52 and married with four children. Seven years ago I suffered a bout of depression which led to me getting into financial difficulties.

I started sleeping to avoid facing my family. And I started to listen to that little voice in my head that told me my family would be better off without me. Finally I went into mental crisis. I attempted suicide and completely shut down. After months of wonderful help from the crisis team I started the long road to recovery. I still felt unable to leave the house on my own. I had panic and anxiety attacks constantly and I’d hurt my family so badly that I couldn’t look them in the eye let alone ask for help.

They were wonderful. I, however, felt like a complete failure.

Asking for help

After about a year I had a total relapse and fortunately went to my GP and asked for help (the hardest thing for me to do). I was sent to see a psychologist and was offered 12 weeks of therapy. We discussed my life, my family history. How I coped with stress, my core learned behaviours. We talked about everything. Eventually after 56 weeks of therapy I finally felt able to face the world with a new set of coping skills and a better outlook on my life.

It’s been a very rocky seven years and I have been left with panic disorder and continuous anxiety. Depression still whispers in my ear, particularly in the night. My first response is still flight, but I’m getting better. I learned some great things from my therapist.

Firstly, my feelings are valid even if nobody else feels that way. Secondly, I’m valued even if I can’t feel it. Thirdly, depression is a bloody liar. Fourthly, and perhaps most importantly, to set myself small achievable goals. So, if I’m having a bad five minutes or hour that isn’t a bad morning. If it turns into a bad morning that isn’t a bad day. If it’s a bad day or even two that isn’t a bad week, and so on.

My achievements might be totally different from other people’s but they are my achievements. Sorry, more my story than a blog. Just had four crappy days in a row but it’s not the end of the week yet.