0 
0 By Patrick Bailey
Abandoned and Hurt
“I have to go and find myself.” This is the entire content of the text message I received, three days after I went home and found my wife gone.
A couple of months before that fateful day, I knew deep in me that my marriage was falling apart. My wife had become so distant that we barely talked to each other, even if it was only the two of us in the house. I became invisible. There were days when I came home very late from work and I will find my wife fast asleep. It hurts to realize that she couldn’t care less if I was safe or what may happen to me.
She was always on her cell phone, but all my messages and calls were left unanswered. I was on a business trip for two weeks and I didn’t even receive any single call, email or text message. I went back to an empty house.
Left All Alone
The morning I arrived, I tried calling my wife and I couldn’t reach her. I tried her office but every time I called, she was out. She didn’t come home again. When I received her message about needing to go to find herself, I didn’t worry too much because all of her belongings were still at home. I convinced myself she will come home again soon.
But days become weeks, and weeks into months but my wife never showed up. I learned from a mutual friend that she already rented a new place and that she was living with someone else.
My world collapsed.
I was sick to my stomach.
I was rejected… thrown out… abandoned.
I thought widowers were even better off than me since they were left alone because their wives died. Their wives did not choose to leave them… Death made the decision for them. But my wife knowingly and consciously chose to leave me.
She found himself in the arms of another man while I was left moping in a pitiful place filled with sorrow and despair, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t ask my friends or family to help me because the only thing I had left was my pride. I couldn’t bear the looks of pity they might give me.
Instead of relying on those around me, I turned to alcohol. I have a low tolerance for alcohol, so I used drinking to literally pass out.
I consumed alcohol like crazy so I could sleep at night. The thought of becoming addicted was terrifying, but gave myself a break. Drinking, in this case, was warranted, I convinced myself. I was miserable. Broken. I wanted to drink myself to death.
Fighting Back
While the thought of dying to end my misery crossed my mind, I thank God that I had too much pride. I may be in bad shape emotionally but just the thought that I would appear to be pathetic in front of everyone helped me to be stronger.
My sadness into anger. I wanted revenge.
I’m not a violent person, and I wouldn’t allow myself to be changed by a woman who couldn’t even keep her marriage vows. I decided that my greatest revenge was to show my wife that I am happy without her. That I was complete. That my life was fuller and richer because she walked away.
I focused my attention on myself and found enough will to quit drinking. Who would be at the losing end if I became an alcohol? I will not let that happen, I told myself. If I couldn’t care and love myself, why would I expect others to love me back?
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I used to dedicate all my time and energy doing things for people, doing everything for my wife.
Now that she was gone, I used the time to better myself.
I got a haircut. Spent some time in an alcohol rehab program. I replaced my drinking with a strenuous workout program. Endorphins felt a lot better than being drunk.
I was determined to show my wife the new and better me. But as I went through my daily routine of doing little things that make me happy – reading, exercising, going to the park, going on vacations alone… I realized that I no longer thought of my wife as intensely as before.
I didn’t realize that taking care of myself… Putting myself first could help me heal.
Eventually, I let go of the anger. I realized that I deserve better than being with a woman who is deceitful and inconsiderate. I learned that her leaving was a blessing because I wouldn’t have the courage to walk away in that toxic relationship myself. When all these things hit me, I shouted in victory.
I am free. I am whole again.
UNITED STATES
UNITED KINGDOM
