Missing my momma

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By Amy

I’m missing my momma so much. It is a pain unlike any other. To never hear her speak, feel her touch, see her smile…

It came so suddenly and took her away so abruptly. No fighting chance to keep her here. All hope gone knowing we had to let her go and she just didn’t seem ready.

missing (1) - I’m missing my momma so much. It is a pain unlike any other. To never hear her speak, feel her touch, see her smile…In all honesty, I feel lost.

I feel lost

In all honesty I feel lost. My bio father, my brother and my mom all left before me. I know my bio father wasn’t a father to me but somehow it just feels so different.

I know my stepfather is still here but if he wanted to not deal with me he doesn’t have to.

My daughter had even said in front of everyone that she feels like my momma was the connector between the families and that’s now gone.

I have my aunt, my dad’s side, and she speaks to me. My cousins on that side I don’t really have a connection to. I feel like I have have no family left. Yes I have my husband, my children. My mom’s two sisters and my two cousins on that side. But I was really close to my mom. She was there when my son was born and was watching my son when my daughter was born. We’ve been through ups and downs but we did it together. I loved my momma with every fiber of my being and it fucking hurts like hell right now.

This is so hard

I feel like a vital organ is now missing and my body has to somehow do without it. I want to crawl in a hole and hide. I’ve lost 15 pounds since the start of this. Which from a diabetic standpoint is good but you know…

When she passed away I ran up the path yelling. I was just so mad and kind of in denial she left me. I wanted to be with my momma. In some ways I still do. I know how that sounds. My husband is watching me like a hawk. He knows how I feel.

This is so hard.

Reproduced with permission, originally posted here: throughourlives.com