This is why I DO NOT want children

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By Anonymous

I have been considering my reasons for not wanting to have children and know, in my heart, amid the list of a thousand points, there’s one that I’m actually slightly ashamed of.

Children (1) - I've been considering my reasons for not wanting to have children and I know in my heart, admid the thousand points, there's one I'm slightly ashamed of.

Here is my reasoning..

We know there are people out there that use recreational drugs, perhaps gamble a little or binge drink. They aren’t addicted, although it takes it’s toll in someway or another, they aren’t completely and irrevocably damaged by it.
You also have those that are addicted. Those that whether they admit it or not could lie awake at night wishing they had not started.

You also might meet a few people that when you properly talk to them they explain that the reason they don’t is fear.
Fear that they might become addicted, that they would be out of control, even if only for a moment, or that they don’t like the idea of taking that sort of risk, whether that’s a joint, an E, a fruit machine or the casino. There are a few people out there that know, perhaps in some instinctive way, that they might not come back. That their mental health might not withstand it.

This is why I stopped taking ALL drugs. This is why I have stopped drinking so much so often. And this is why I DO NOT want children.

You see videos in the news of women who try to harm their children; drown them, suffocate them, or try to drive them into the sea.

I see the comments

“SHE SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAD CHILDREN” or, “STERILIZE HER!”

There are a number of reasons why people need to STOP pressuring women to have children, with their comments of “What else is a woman for…?” or “You’ll regret it when you’re old and alone.” And the most annoying “You’ll change your mind.”

I’m not saying I would hurt a child. My shame is because I know my mental health is so fragile, that a wailing baby for more than 1 hour would break me. No matter how much help, advice, and support I was given or offered. I know in my gut that I would regret and resent my own child. That all the things I struggle with now, or am completely allergic to, would be magnified ten fold. But it would be down played, or I would be seen as weak, that I just need a night off, and when that doesn’t work, like those poor women who end up risking the safety of their children, called evil, and shunned from society, told they shouldn’t have had them!

I know that I am too young, immature, and selfish in my mindset to have that responsibility, and I don’t see that changing for a long time, even with my recovery and how well I am now. I’m high risk because of my mental health. I’ve got to look after it, make decisions that keep me and other people safe.

I know that as I age, these things could change, but my decision will not.

I just wish other people wouldn’t still pressure men and women into the idea that having children is the only way of life. It is not. If happiness is the road, then I don’t want to walk down it wishing and praying for the end.

My heart goes out to all the women who have ever felt under pressure to have a child. Ever been faced with that decision to keep or abort and have realised a year down the line with their new born baby at 3am they wish they had chosen differently. Whether fleeting or otherwise! Those women who suffer from post natal depression or psychosis that nobody seems to understand. I feel your pain.

You are not alone.

I hope one day, this childbearing pressure will not exist.

Some of us know it is just not a good idea. Some of us just don’t like children. And some of us can’t have children.
And the pressure and comments are like constant reminders of our failure either to society, ourselves, our families or partners.

We can be happy. We will be happy. Or we are already happy. So, please, just let us be