One more try away

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By Maria Nias

My depression makes me feel neurotic and very pessimistic and cynical. So many ‘Well, this always happens to me’ “I’m not worthy of…’ And ‘I’m just a complete failure’.

I’m a first year student studying psychology. And it’s true that I chose this subject to see why I am messed myself up. (Another word would be more appropriate there to be honest.) But I’ve learned more in the last twelve months about mental health and recovery than I have in six months of domestic abuse recovery.

Learned optimism

There is one thing for me that has stood out. It’s called Positive Psychology and more specifically, Learned Optimism.

In all that I’ve been through I have never heard of this perspective. Even with my mental health, my domestic abusive relationship, all the failed suicide attempts, cognitive behavioural therapy, counselling, PTSD diagnosis, etc etc. I’d never heard of this different way of thinking. How negative events aren’t transient. How they don’t actually mean that I’m a failure.

This knowledge has opened a part of me that I never knew existed. Can a negative event, that still causes negative beliefs, not have huge consequences on my life?

I have started putting this knowledge into practice. I have a journal now that challenges the negative beliefs I have regarding adversity and the consequences these beliefs have. Now I dispute them and then celebrate how disputing them successfully makes me feel.

Keep trying

It isn’t a cure. There are no cures. But I wish I known about this easy to access and learn piece of self-help and recovery years ago. I realised at that moment I wish people talked more about what helps them, even though subjective, through their struggles. Perhaps we can help others that way, as well as telling people they aren’t alone?

We suffer, and sometimes it feels like we suffer alone. But there is so much out there to help. So many things we don’t know. We must keep trying, keep finding new coping mechanisms. It is we, alone, who must facilitate our own recovery.

It makes me value life more. Without life, there will be no knowledge or learning; we can’t grow and heal without any of that. This has made me wonder whether there actually are brighter days ahead, days where the darkness doesn’t take me over.

What a possibility, and one, as always, I’ll welcome with open arms. Recovery really is always one more try away.