Mental Health and Starting a Family

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By Lauren Victoria

My Ultimate Dream

Ever since I was young, one of my ultimate dreams was to start a family. I was 16 when I firmly decided this although it was not the right time. I had not met the right person at the time yet I had this dream. It was a goal to strive for and I was so excited for my “one day”.

A spanner was thrown in the works upon diagnosis of my mental health problems. They are, questionably, partially genetic (my parents do not have my disorder, only my younger sister and I). I googled the shit out of my condition as a frightened and confused 17 year old girl. Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure it was what I wanted. I’d feel horrific if I brought a child into the world and they went on to develop my very same condition. Still, being young and having not met the “one” for me, I tried my best to shove the thoughts to the back of my mind.

Having Doubts

It was still something I wanted, but I was now unsure and it felt selfish to run the risk of having a baby and let them endure the same suffering like myself. At 19, I underwent a procedure (a laparoscopy) for some gynecological issues I was having. This found endometriosis (linked for more information). The doctor in his infinite wisdom advised my 19 year old self, in an incredibly unstable relationship to have a baby as it would relieve me of symptoms and I’d be miraculously cured.

Still, unsure in my mind, I ignored this. I pushed it to the back of my mind once again and continued with my contraceptive of choice. I knew my relationship would not last and was most certainly unsuitable to bring a poor child into. Fast forward now to my 21 year old self, having met the kindest man alive, so understanding, caring and a wonderful person all around. Meeting him prompted thoughts and feelings I’d never experienced so intensely; picturing my life with him as his wife and reconsidering my thoughts on having children.

Handholding, Advocacy and Support

Two years have passed. We’re now engaged and to be married in 2 months. We decided almost a year ago that we will have children. That is what we want, to have a family, share memories, build a life with them and teach them of the beautiful places and things in the world. If they somehow end up like me, it will be unpleasant to bear witness to. Yet we are well equipped to help them through it, hold their hand, be their advocate and be a source of support for them. They wouldn’t have to endure it alone and I think that is beautiful.