Accountability within our mental health

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By Anonymous

I’ve had something on my mind for a while. To hide identities I’ve been frustratingly vague, so bare with me.

Discussing someone elses mental health

I met a friend of a friend’s friend about a year ago, and initially, got on well with them. I admit, I had been warned about certain behaviour, but I found the individual funny and relatable, so I went by my own judgement. The next time I saw them they did something I really can’t let slide. They discussed someone else’s mental health, in front of them and their friends in a joking, jibing way. I felt so uncomfortable, but changing the subject didn’t seem to make an effect. They made several comments throughout the evening that made me grit my teeth.

Afterwards I was ashamed, I didn’t react, I didn’t do anything, I didn’t say anything. I didn’t stick up for that person who was being gaslighted in front of their friends and acquaintances. I didn’t even know the person that well, but I have been through that before, and it’s horrible.

Later, I did a blog about it, and said as a friend we must all have a zero tolerance for this blatant and obvious public bullying of our friends by other friends about things so personal. It is NOT banter, it is NOT funny, and you are continuing the cycle of shame and silence.

When I saw the friend of a friend’s friend again, they shunned me with a petulant facial expression, and whispered about me in someone else’s ear. I laughed at the time, it doesn’t bother me because they don’t know me, and to be honest I was glad not to have to pretend to like them.

What gives us the right?

Recently, this person was brought up in conversation with another individual, and after listening to how much of an apparent saint this person was I couldn’t hold it back.

After telling them the incident, I was told “But you don’t know what they have been through.” This has stumped me a little.

Do we have the right to abuse because we have been abused? Do we have the right to bully because we have been bullied?

I saw a toxic abuse checklist years ago when I left my abusive ex and realised I identified with a few of the points! It was mortifying. I endeavoured to change these defects of character within myself! Because I am the only person that can control my behaviour now.

What other people say and do is up to them, as what you say and do is up to you. We have all been through some really awful shit. What is amazing is when we emerge from the other end and we smile knowing we do not hurt ourselves anymore OR other people.

We all make mistakes

We cannot make our past an excuse. It exaggerates the idea that those with certain mental health disorders are born wicked, crazy, scary, and abusive. Not all of us are. I believe that if we are acting so, and it’s highlighted by a friend, then we will change it.

My aim from this is to address my feelings for this behaviour objectively. To get better control of them so that the next time I witness this from this person, I can address it, not as their friend, but as a fellow survivor and warrior who cannot allow the cycle to continue.

Better understanding myself and loving who I am has made this possible. I am by no means perfect. We are all human. We all make mistakes. Being accountable for our actions allows us to live a life as free from guilt and low self worth as possible.

And, to be honest, a peaceful mind and life is all I ever want.