Don't 'wish' you could help

Read Time:2 Minute, 31 Second

By Lauren Victoria

I head into my ninth year of formally diagnosed mental illness. Still riding the wave and I have a wonderful self-awareness now. One phrase I have encountered a lot over the years is ‘I wish I could help’. This term is one that stings me. Don’t ‘wish’ you could help – that sounds almost as if you are resigned to the fact I am a lost cause, or beyond help. I do try and avoid throwing obstacles when people make suggestions on what I could do for myself personally. But it would be nice to share my process of recovery with someone else, to have my hand held a little more along the way; though I am a big girl. Support is needed for me sometimes.

Supporting people on their journey to a better mental health is not an easy one. But we cannot do it alone. Support, or distraction, may be all we need. This doesn’t mean to say I encourage fellow readers to put themselves in potentially dangerous situations, if applicable. Or exposing themselves to triggers. But sometimes all we need is a little encouragement, a cheerleader standing behind us yelling ‘You can do it!’

What can you do?

You could write a card, send a letter or an instant message, let the person know they are in your thoughts. I don’t mean an ‘I am always here if you need me’. I am a person that fails to utilise that offer very frequently and I am aware that many individuals struggle to reach out or communicate.

If applicable (this is something I would love but of course isn’t for everyone), you could visit, have a day of self-care and pampering, face masks, painting nails, messing around with make-up, if you feel so inclined, and laugh about the silly things. You could do artwork, go for a walk with your friend/loved one.

It is so challenging…

It is incredibly hard to reach out for the help and ask for the support that we need at times. I spend most of my days isolated – partially by choice and partially because, as I spent a while alone, I find it a challenge to be sociable now. But don’t give up on your loved one, your friend, spouse, sister, brother, whomever it may be. Show them that you are their cheerleader. Have a ponder, what do they like to do? What did they previously enjoy before illness and struggles took over?

I know what I would like from my loved ones and I surely cannot be alone in this. But I would like to know that people haven’t given up on me, as I have given up on myself in sporadic periods. I would love the support and encouragement required to find things that ignite my happy spark again, as I lost that all a long time ago. Words even with the best of intentions can speak so little, but actions speak volumes.