Being okay seems so far away ...

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By Sara

I am a few days into an anxiety, I don’t know what to call it. But I am exhausted and sad and right now sitting at my desk at work, I am crying! I hate myself for feeling like this and I know that it isn’t just me. I am affecting those around me too.

Sometimes I can’t seem to pinpoint what has set me off. And this week is like that because all I know is that I feel dreadful. And like something awful is about to happen. My partner is always so brilliant but this week already my mood is low and I have no sense of humour. We argued because I felt ignored yesterday and now today his ex wife has called and it is all a bit too much.

I am scared typing this that it sounds nuts and all very silly and trivial. But the things in my head, like little beasts, are telling me that everything is wrong. And I hate myself that I am not strong enough not to listen or stop the anxiety thoughts from taking over.

I have read all the articles saying do these seven things or these ten things or these twenty things to help anxiety. But nothing is helping. I find that the practical and logical often breaks the cycle. But so far no… I am stuck like a scratched record. Feeling like my world is ending over and over again.

I hate myself.