My truth: I am #1in4

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By Mental Drama Queen

I’ve been thinking about posting this for a while. Then I thought, why not? I want to dedicate my life to helping people with mental health issues, so I should practise what I preach. Facebook is full of people posting about a perfect life, when that isn’t really life, now, is it? This isn’t attention seeking or airing dirty laundry and I’m not looking for pity. It’s honest. #1in4 people will suffer from mental illness at some stage this year. I am #1in4

For 7 months my depression and anxiety really took over. I had no control. I don’t even remember most of that time. All I know is that I was empty. At one point I just didn’t have the strength to fight it, and so I just stopped. I don’t know when my turning point was or at what point I decided to start fighting again, but I did. I took it hour by hour then day by day.

My truth I am #1in4

Working on being me again

Now I finally have some clarity and am working on being me again. What has stood out to me are the people who got me through it. My amazing husband who had no idea what to do, but would spend days looking after me and the kids, doing housework and running errands on top of working when I couldn’t even get out of bed. His awesome family who would play with my kids and spend time with them. The one fantastic friend who checked on me regularly, despite having a shit time herself. These are truly amazing people.

These people understood that I didn’t know I was alive, let alone being able to help them with their own problems. I lost count of the amount of people I would tell that I was struggling and they just walked away. People who had spent years saying “If you need anything let me know”, “You can tell me anything”, “We’re such good friends”. At one point I felt like I was being ostracised for being pregnant or not having the strength to deal with their issues. It’s been a real wake up call about who really cares about me and who cares about my kids. Yeah, people took their frustration out on my kids too.

I know who actually cares

From this experience, I learnt who actually cares about me. I’ve learnt to reach out and when to stop. I learnt I needed a new circle and to look for my village. I’ve learnt that being pregnant means my health comes first. I’ve learnt to ask for help and not just expect it. I learnt that I can’t do it all. I’ve learnt the value of my voice. I have learnt that there are some situations that don’t deserve my time or energy. I’ve learnt that boundaries are healthy. I’ve learnt that I don’t have to rebuild relationships with people who make no effort with me. Most importantly I’ve learnt that I need to be kind to myself.

I’m not one of those people who will continuously post the perfect life when I’m having a difficult time. I will not post things knowing it will hurt others. I don’t pretend to be anyone other than me. I’m not proud of everything I’ve done in my life, but I am proud of how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am. I know I am a strong person, I know I’m a great mum, I know I’m a good wife, I know that if given the chance I’m a good friend. I now know that I am loved.

Respect and compassion

Recently, I saw the following quote. “If your mental illness makes you feel guilty, review the definition of ‘illness’ and try to treat yourself with the same respect and concern you would show to a cancer patient or a person with pneumonia.”

I want to be part of the change, not the stigma. That’s why I’m sharing my experience. It’s brief, but people are suffering in silence everyday. Understanding, kindness and compassion are the way forward ❤️