Dear Psychiatrist... - I am 1 in 4

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By Charlotte

Dear psychiatrist, I know you thought you were helping me by giving me a diagnosis. I know, back then, I wanted an answer. I’d needed a diagnosis to be able to access support from my insurer but what you didn’t see is how the label you gave me would actually cause me more problems. Shortly after being labelled with borderline personality disorder, I was taken off the waiting list for therapy, as it was deemed unsuitable for me. My care coordinator began cancelling appointments and would be impossible to contact. Shortly after moving house this would be amplified.

“Needy”

My new care coordinator made it clear that the recovery teams didn’t deal with my diagnosis. They instead told me I was making a mountain out of a molehill. This would become a constant source of frustration between us.

Given the diagnosis, my care coordinator now felt it ok to tell the local hospital to not treat me. She told my GP that I lie about physical complaints, and she told you that I’m not to see you until after discharge. You also saw fit to label me as “needy”.

Dangerous and not to be Trusted?

Prior to the diagnosis, I had a good relationship with my GP but over the course of two years following the diagnosis, this soured. Especially when it became clear how bad my physical health was becoming. She repeatedly refused to take me seriously because of the diagnosis you gave me.

Eventually, I was seen by a specialist. Yet not before she was told by my GP that I am dangerous and not to be trusted. She also told the specialist I am liable to embellish the truth.

Struggling to be Taken Seriously

Moving forward, things didn’t improve with my physical health but the diagnosis you gave me now gave the next two consultants a license to tell me my problem is the diagnosis you gave me.

Later on, I would ask for support for a completely unrelated psych issue but this would be declined on the grounds that I wasn’t going to get better or the treatment was actually a guise for the condition you said I had. This would happen twice over.

Living in Constant Fear

Eventually, I saw a GP who was willing to refer me one last time. She decided to downplay the diagnosis and surprise surprise, I’m believed. Yet not before others have accused me of manipulating her or using emotion to try and get my way.

Moving forward, at work, your opinion of me means I’m held back and blamed for other people’s misbehaviour. I can’t even make a tiny mistake without risking a warning. I live in constant fear of everything being taken back to the diagnosis you gave me.

Labelled with borderline personality disorder

People no longer see Charlie the quirky girl from down south. Instead, they see that borderline monster who should ideally be locked up. I’m evil and don’t deserve love or care.

One would think writing this letter should make me emotional. It hasn’t. That’s how much I’ve hardened over the past 3 years due to the abuse.

I understand that some may consider borderline/emotionally unstable personality disorder to be a helpful diagnosis but in many cases, it is not.

Kind regards,

Charlie