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0 By Joey Askew
As if it isn’t hard enough trying to manage each day with a mental health disability, trying to manage that disability becomes a whole other level of hard in the face of people calling you terms such as, ‘difficult’, ‘manipulative’ and ‘selfish’. Sounds extraordinarily mean… right?
But does it still sound mean when you know I’m talking about borderline personality disorder?
The Horrible Truth
The horrible truth is that for those of us diagnosed with BPD we not only have to face dealing with the tormenting symptoms of our disability itself but perhaps the very worst stigma associated with any mental health disorder there is. Some label us as a ‘special category of difficult psychiatric patients’. There are frequent references to ‘bizarre’ behavior or comparisons with violent or psychopathic individuals.
A psychology paper I read just this week made a horrifying reference to an, apparently, popular saying, ‘You’re only one borderline away from losing your license’. As it if weren’t horrible enough reading that in a bona fide, published piece of research, a lecture I later attended the same day made reference to ‘borderline rage’ and inappropriate ‘furniture re-arranging’ behaviors of borderlines in the therapy room.
Relentless, Intimidating and Rage-filled
Mental health professionals should be especially aware of borderlines because we are, apparently, ‘relentless, intimidating and rage-filled… manipulating through relentlessness, persistence, rage and bizarre behavior’. Therapists are often ‘needlessly afraid to aggravate their clients [which is] often especially true with psychopathic, violent and Borderline Personality Disordered clients…’.
‘Borderline clients have been reported to throw tantrums or fits and use language that intimidates and threatens their therapists’. I’m sorry but… WHAT?! I calmly tried to correct my lecturer, despite the intense mixture of anger, disappointment and sadness I was feeling.
The True Reality of BPD
Do you know the thing that hurt my heart the most about being subjected to these outrageous statements? Most students on my course had probably never even heard of borderline personality disorder before. This would be their very first impression. Further pain came from the fact that in the very same lecture, we had just been debating the usefulness versus dangers of mental health diagnoses and the fact that mental health stigma needed to end…
I went home that night completely distraught at the injustice. Living with the true reality of BPD, I struggled with everything. I had to apply DBT skills to my evening to calm myself down from the ordeal. The most ironic part was that I started questioning if correcting my lecturer meant I was somehow exhibiting the ‘borderline rage’ that he had referred to. I even thought whether it would come across as ‘manipulative’ if I decided to publish the blog article I am now writing.
Exceptionally Emotional
The raw reality of living with borderline personality disorder is that we are exceptionally, emotionally sensitive people. We’re trying to live in what most people on the planet would describe as our ‘harsh world’. People misunderstand us. We try to do our very best in a world that simply cannot understand our emotional depth. Therefore, they resort to thinking we are somehow exaggerating our emotions for some kind of twisted gains or game-play.
A whole module of dialectical behavior therapy – the most successful type of therapy for BPD to date – focuses on helping us with our interpersonal skills, because we have so much trouble trying to communicate our needs to others in relationships. We develop BPD in the first place because we have biological predispositions in our brains. This is combined with developing in or living in an invalidating environment. An invalidating environment is one where other people are not able to understand us, our emotions or our needs.
Internalized Stigma
The question I ask myself every day is how we borderlines can begin to challenge the misconceptions surrounding our diagnosis. How can we truly reach out; how can we make people realize that we are so frequently and unfairly judged and dismissed?
I think it’s really important that those of us diagnosed with BPD make a stand. The very fact that we are already tarnished as being difficult or manipulative gets in the way and we feel unheard. Add our emotional intensity and other symptoms into the mix and standing up for BPD can feel almost impossible for fear of flinging ourselves back into a state of feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps it’s the fact that we feel so overwhelmed trying to defend ourselves from unfair stigma that the stigma is carrying on relatively unchallenged.
The other problem is, perhaps, that the stigma of BPD can quickly become internalized. We generally hate and punish ourselves so much already. If you think about it, the harsh words of BPD stigma are an ideal form of self-harm for those of us who already feel so bad about and blame ourselves for the fact that we are suffering. Combine this with the stigma within the mental health professions itself, as clearly demonstrated in my psychology course this week. Suddenly a problem of the ever-perpetuating stigma surrounding BPD becomes predictable from many different angles.
So, what is the solution?
I’m hoping that on a small-scale, personal level my questioning my lecturer opened my fellow students’ eyes. Not everyone agreed with the outrageous statements being made about BPD that day.
I hope that by writing this article, I will open more eyes to the large and wide-scale intensity of the stigma that so unfairly surrounds BPD.
I’m hoping that this article validates those of us with the diagnosis who continue to battle on each day despite the extra difficulties that the stigma of BPD causes us.
I hope that many other survivors of BPD somehow find the strength to share their story. Help us to enlighten the world as to the true reality of living with BPD.
1in4 UK Book Store:
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As for a larger-scale solution? I suggest as much education as possible. Especially in addressing those training as mental health professionals.
I’d love to hear your comments.
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I liked your blog on bpd. I’m trying to find out all I can on it since being diagnosed with it recently.