Keep On Going

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By Frances Beck

October, Halloween starts here! It’s also the start of the 8th month without Conor being physically in our lives. Has it got any easier? Absolutely not. It gets harder because I miss him all the more. Am I getting better at living with it? Actually, not sure about that.

I still have moments where I watch the world carrying on with no regard of the fact that he’s no longer living or the enormity of our loss and I want it all to stop. However, it doesn’t. Time continues to tick away. That’s life. I’ve no doubt it’s a good thing that life doesn’t stop, because I’m not sure I’d be able to start again.

A Part of Me Died

There is part of me that died along with Conor, and I hope he carries it safely with him wherever he may be. That will never be brought back to life, in the same way we can’t bring Conor back to life. I still struggle with the fact that I couldn’t protect him or save him; I expect I always will.

It’s particularly hard having experienced similar mental health problems myself. I feel I should have been able to save him. I also still have moments where my mind won’t let me believe that this isn’t all just a horrendous nightmare that I’ll wake up from. Regrettably, I’m all too aware that that’s not the case, and that I have to just keep on going.

Sharing My Story

One thing that has helped me keep on going is becoming involved in mental health awareness and suicide prevention, and sharing my story. On Friday, I had the privilege of meeting with Paul McGregor, a fellow campaigner, along with a group of inspiring people who have also experienced mental health problems.

It highlighted just how important it is for everyone to tell their own story and really be listened to and understood. That is one way that we can all help to destigmatise mental health problems and help to tackle the isolation that people experiencing mental health problems so often encounter. Also highlighted was the desperate need for change, both within mental health services and within schools. We need to be trying to prevent mental health problems from developing in the first place and providing early intervention when they first occur to improve the chances of full recovery.

The Mental Health Foundation is an organisation that is campaigning for exactly that, and as such, I have pledged to have a Sober October, abstaining from alcohol for the month, to raise funds for them. I’m hoping it won’t be too difficult; I only tend to have a ‘drink’ three days of the week, but I have previously used alcohol as a crutch. Only time will tell. If you’ve read this far, and could donate even just £2 (minimum donation) for this important cause, I would be extremely grateful. ??