Everything is not as it seems

Read Time:4 Minute, 33 Second

By Anonymous

Recently it was World Suicide Prevention Day. Ironically, on such a day, the first thing I read was about a young 20-year-old Instagram model, Sinead McNamara, who had lost her battle to the evils of suicide. This sad demise of such a lovely woman in the prime of her life brought to mind many things I want to get off my chest and share with you all.

We hide reality behind filters

First and foremost, everything is not as it seems. Take an Instagram post, many of which Sinead McNamara was renowned for. They can be altered or changed and no one will be any the wiser. A monochrome filter here, a light filter there, it’s sadly become the norm in our society to filter the shit out of our lives.

On a literal level, it appears that every photograph ever taken can now be cropped, aligned and ever so carefully perfected. Gone are the days of cheesy grins and lighting faux pas. In their place we have serious pouts and perfect ‘selfie’ angles. As a result, we find ourselves having a toxic relationship with social media. So hung up on that dopamine hit that we hide reality behind filter after filter after filter.

Yet, people forget. They forget that it’s a highlight reel. It is NOT real life. All too often, young and reckless human beings fall prey to the pressures of a society where this glorified false portrayal of life has taken the forefront.

Editing My Life

Take my own Instagram account for instance. Something that, after writing this post, I hope to distance myself from a little more. It shows many pictures of myself, a happy young girl, almost the same age as poor Sinead McNamara, enjoying what appears to be a fabulous family holiday. Don’t get me wrong, it was fabulous, but you do not see evidence of the heated argument I had with my parents over my hotel room on the first day. You also don’t see the disputes over family pictures that were deemed too ‘ugly’ to face the world of social media, seen by millions.

These not so good moments, well, they weren’t a highlight and so they are forgotten under the spotlight, trashed. Hence, everyone in society has a false perception of everyone else’s life, based solely on the best bits. Not the nitty, gritty and shitty bits.

To delve a little further into this issue, I feel it necessary to shed some light on the worst year of my life to you all. If you were to look at my social media accounts you would have no idea about the TRUE year I’ve had.

An Uncomfortable Truth

Now, people may have an ‘idea’. I disappeared off Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat for 5/6 months. On my return, I wrote my first blog post for iam1in4.com. It was, and still is, kind of clear I’ve struggled with my mental health at university. My point here is that probably no one understands the extent. That is hidden.

World Suicide Prevention Day is an important day because it gives people like myself the opportunity to say what is, quite frankly, uncomfortable for other people to hear. I may have spent this year jetting around Italy, volunteering, meeting the best people from around the world on international projects and meeting the best boyfriend ever, but amongst all of this, I have been very, very mentally ill. I have been so ill at points that I’ve googled the plastic bag method and the efficacy of suicide by throwing myself in front of a train. I’ve written funeral lists after an accidental drug-induced antidepressant high. I’ve sent scary text messages to my almost-ex and best friends that have scared them shitless (sorry guys) ?.

So, to all those people who say depression is just someone being ‘lazy’ – you couldn’t be more wrong!! I’m proud to say, I no longer feel that way. I am more and more like my old self every day. The fact I’m going to university in September is nothing short of a miracle, trust me.

Don’t Let Your Mind Play Tricks

I am about to write something that would not be so obvious if you were to look at my social media. It’s big. I’ve just survived a five and a half month stint in a mental hospital. I was sectioned for suicidal ideation and somatisation, due to an adverse drug reaction that could’ve and should’ve killed me. I need to be kind to myself.

Uncomfortable, right? That’s what I want it to be.

No one chooses to put this shitty highlight all over social media right? Well that’s where society has gone wrong. Everyone is so caught up in the need to portray perfection that key issues like suicide prevention go under the radar. People are too scared to put a spanner in their portrayal of their perfect lives to speak up. That, right there, is why World Suicide Prevention Day is so damn important.

Fly high, Sinead McNamara. No one will ever really know the reality behind your twisted mindset. It appears your mind was playing tricks on you. No one would’ve known, from that perfect Instagram account of yours. To anyone out there reading this, speak up!! Don’t let your mind play tricks on you too.