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0 By Robyn
I want to share my personal story of my mental health battle, because I believe that it is important to share our stories of mental health illnesses. This is how we will change perceptions around mental health and challenge the stigma still surrounding it for future generations: my children, your children, their children and so on. If we talk about our experiences, not only in environments that are open, honest and non-judgemental (as they should be) but in environments that aren’t challenging any discriminatory behaviour, comments or judgements, then we will show those who have been lucky enough themselves not to suffer from a mental health illness, that we are not ashamed.
We can try to educate them, or just show them that it is unacceptable to talk or behave in a discriminatory manner. I have had an illness, it wasn’t my fault, it is the same as having a physical illness. In my case, I have had all sorts of reactions to me saying, “I had a mental breakdown when I was 18”. Some people don’t know what to say. And that’s ok. Some people say, “Oh, that sounds shit, that’s a hard illness to get over”. Some never look at you the same again. I don’t expect everyone to be supportive in the next second. It can take people time to absorb this information and gather their thoughts.
I can make a positive change
For a few years after my mental breakdown, I struggled with the concept of positively changing somebody’s opinion or attitude towards mental health illnesses. I thought that if they already held that certain opinion then what I said wasn’t going to make a difference. But I was wrong. It took me many years to learn this: I can make a positive change. Yes, it’s crap what I went through, but I cannot change that. Instead, I can help people change and learn from my experience. It’s never going to change that I had a mental breakdown. That I missed years of my life to battling (often unsuccessfully) a cruel illness, that stripped me of friends, family and myself.
I will never regain my memory of my late teens that disappeared because of my illness. But that’s ok. The main thing is that I managed to overcome an illness that not everyone survives. I am a survivor, which makes me tough and resilient. I can face anything in my future because of what I’ve gone through. Nothing can be harder than contemplating whether or not to tie a noose around your neck. And that’s what I tell people who may not understand my story. If someone turned around and said, “I survived childhood cancer”, then people often think of them as brave for having to overcome so much to get where they are today. Mental health is the same. I am brave, I’ve had to overcome so much to get where I am today.
Why are you whispering?
I recently met a fabulous lady through my nursing degree. When I gently challenged her as to why she whispered when talking about mental health diagnoses, pointing out that if someone had a heart attack then you wouldn’t whisper, she turned around to me and said she didn’t even realise she did. After that, she never whispered somebody’s mental health diagnosis again.
This simple act took away any stigma relating to that illness. It took the right person, in the right place, at the right time, but I felt I had managed to make a positive change for the first time ever. I recognise that not everybody is going to change their views of people with mental health illnesses. Some people are not in the right headspace, some people may believe many of the false stereotypes in our society, some people may have a mental health illness themselves and be in denial.
A permanent solution to a temporary thought
It wasn’t long after my first positive mental health change that I had a negative mental health experience. I was sat in a room eating my lunch with several colleagues, when one was reading an article about mental health illness. They said that they believed that people with mental health illnesses who have tried to commit suicide several times within three months should be allowed to commit suicide. I spent the next thirty minutes with this colleague, in front of the entire office, having a strong chat about why people with mental health illnesses shouldn’t be allowed to commit suicide. I said that they were suffering from a mental health illness that meant they weren’t thinking as they normally would. That these people could be leading perfectly happy, fulfilling lives in 10 years’ time. That their “wish” was a permanent solution to a temporary thought.
But my colleague didn’t understand this. She didn’t understand that that could be her wanting to die in 10 years’ time and that there would be a team of people who care, trying to do what is best for her: not letting her kill herself. During all this, I had revealed to a whole room of people that I had had a mental breakdown. I had tried to kill myself several times over several years, but I had overcome it all and was sat here today. It was the hardest and bravest thing I have had to do since I was ill. It took guts, courage and determination to do the right thing: challenging discriminatory attitudes to change perceptions around mental health. If we don’t do this, the future will not change to be a brighter place for those who have, are or will battle mental health illnesses.
UNITED STATES
UNITED KINGDOM
Love this. I find the most difficult part of my battle is being able to articulate what it really feels like to someone who has no comprehension of mental struggle.
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