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0 By Rachael Senior
A few weeks ago, I received a letter from Suffolk Wellbeing advising that my first CBT session was to be today at my local doctors.
I first called them up asking for help in December 2017. 7 months later, I have my first appointment, after I have done an absolute TON of hard work myself, but still, this blog is about what happened today. I actually had some CBT sessions 4 years ago but I found it really hard and couldn’t get to grips with it, and it was because it was the wrong time to try it. I was still in the middle of my worst mindset, and was in no position to try to focus on that.
Tears of relief
So, going in today, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was hoping I wouldn’t be disappointed or find it all too hard. The lady I spoke to, Lindsey, was just lovely. Before talking about me, she explained about CBT. She explained how thoughts trigger behaviours, which trigger moods, etc. She used an example of work-based anxiety and stress, and how it has a knock-on effect on everything you do and feel and act, and I couldn’t help it, I cried.
Everything she said rung true for how I was at my previous job. It all made so much sense, and made my behaviour/actions/feelings while there so much clearer. I think they were tears of relief or happiness that she plucked that example out of thin air. Every step was a mimic of what I had been through.
When you speak to Suffolk Wellbeing on the phone initially, they ask you a series of questions about how you have been feeling and your thoughts for the past couple of weeks. When I received my letter advising me of my CBT date, I had one of these questionnaire forms, which I needed to bring to my appointment. These things always throw me because they state they are based on the last 2 weeks, and because I have been feeling quite good recently, I am never sure what to put down. 2 weeks isn’t really a long time, but over the course of the past 7 months, I have been through a lot mentally and a lot of change.
She made me feel comfortable
The forms actually make me nervous and anxious. I don’t want to lie and say I’ve been worse than I have been, but I also don’t want to say I’ve had a great two weeks and get shunned away. Lindsey made me feel really comfortable about these forms and made me understand their purpose a little bit better. Initially, the over-the-phone questions are to gauge your stability and urgency, and to prioritise what help would be best suited. The paper ones I will take to sessions are only a loose guideline, for my therapist to see if my anxiety/depression fluctuates or remains the same and what may have caused any peaks in my mental health.
This session was just about chatting, giving some brief information on my past, particular moments/situations which triggered my anxiety, what I want to get out of the CBT sessions and where I want to be. It was quite emotional for me at times. Reliving a lot of specific moments and explaining how my anxiety manifests, ironically, made me quite anxious. So I just relayed what I was doing/feeling at the time.
All was fine
I left with the “homework” for the week of writing down any times I feel anxious, or can feel it coming on, and to write down why I am feeling it and what I am feeling. First entry was on the way back from the doctor’s. My next train to go to work was in about 15 mins time, which I could have made if I rushed, or the next one was in an hour’s time. Feeling quite emotional, and wanting to just sit at home and let everything sink in for a bit, I really wanted to get the later one, but I didn’t want to seem like I was taking the piss at work, as I had already had the whole morning off. But I needed it, so I texted my manager, and he was fine, so I got in to work about 1, and all was fine.
And thus concludes today’s CBT lesson. I do hope it helps, time will tell…
Peace & love
Reproduced with permission, originally posted here: shouldyouneedus.co.uk
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