Searching - Am I impossible to love?

Thought I was impossible to love | Demonised when my only way to cope was to shed blood | People told me that they cared, but they showed me otherwise |

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By Sarah Strutt

Thought I was impossible to love
Demonised when my only way to cope was to shed blood
People told me that they cared, but they showed me otherwise
A diagnosis, a number, vilified and demonised

For so many years placed faith in no one that I met
Avoided emotional investment, saw each person as a threat
Can’t get up out of bed, my life is devastated
Curtains remain closed, my dreams obliterated

Undescribable pain in my heart and in my mind
Barely able to function despite the drugs I am prescribed
My mind so overoccupied, sometimes I forget to breathe
Is the hurt scribed across my face possible to read?

When the darkness descends I create distance from my friends
Life becomes a battle in which I cannot contend
The actions I displayed during my times of desperation
Often met by so many with judgement and condemnation

Thunder crashing, lightning flashing in my mind throughout the day
Trapped in a world of emotions that I struggle to convey
I trusted nobody, whilst trusting everyone
Fixed in my heart then suddenly you’re gone
In search of love and care from someone who is genuine
A bond that is formed on attributes beneath the skin