Little Girl Lost - The Inner Child in BPD

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By Lisa Lewis-Martin

I don’t have many memories of when I was little. I know I had numerous health problems and I know BPD was hiding inside me then. It grew when I was 14 and showed itself at its worst, and has continued to do so, years on…
But I know the little girl is still inside me, lost and broken, trying to find a way out, wanting to grow and be happy.

I was hurt, rejected, abandoned, and abused

They say you have to talk to your inner child, console her, tell her that you’re trying to help her escape, but most memories have been put away by the adult me because they’re too hard to bear, and now I cannot remember them.
I don’t want to remember the times I was hurt, rejected, abandoned, and abused.

I’m left with just the pain, words, songs, events that reappear all the time. The adult me tries to sooth, self care, but instead lashes out in fear of the events happening again.
But all this time the little girl is inside frantically trying to escape, but I don’t let her.

She will escape one day, and will hopefully be happy and not live in fear anymore.