Not Enough Monsters: I'm Done Being the Invisible Man

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By Alan D.D.

Having a mental health issue, whichever it is, whatever form it takes, is such a funny thing. Think about it: you deal with so much pressure, so many feelings, different emotions and thoughts, that you want, need, someone, anyone, to give you a hand and to understand you. And at the same time the very thought of that happening terrifies you, so you remain silent, just like the Invisible Man. But now, I’m done being invisible.

Veni, vidi, vici

When I was younger, I was pretty afraid of what people may think or say about me if I ever told them that I deal with depression, that I used to self harm, that I suffer anxiety, and so on. The list is long, and I’m sadly sure that is the case for many of us. It’s like a bad joke life keeps telling the universe: ‘You will not just deal with one, that’s way too easy! Go and take three or more!’

It doesn’t matter what it is we deal with, it doesn’t matter what we have. The important thing here is that here it is, and every day we’re reminded of its presence, its effects and the different sides it can manifest without our consent. Mental health issues do not ask for permission, do not say sorry. They come, they screw and they go. Veni, vidi, vici.

The mere idea of telling someone outside my circle, someone else beside my friends, was a nightmare. So I kept telling myself that I was perfectly fine just the way I was, that I didn’t need anyone else at my side. In the end, if it was my problem, I should keep it to myself, right? Wrong answer.

I’m done being invisible

I was too naive and too fearful to think differently. But as years passed me by and as life taught me a lesson or two, this head of mine realised that the more I swallow and the more I say nothing, the worse everything will be. I was digging my own grave, yet I wanted to think otherwise.

It is clear that things have changed a lot for me. If I had been asked ten years ago if I would be able to do this – share my problems and give advice to others through the internet – I would have looked at the person as if they were being ridiculous. ‘What the h*ll are you talking about? Get away from me!’ That’s the most likely answer you would have gotten.

When you deal with this kind of situations, the best thing you can do is to detox, open your lips and let your guard down, first with people you trust, then with friends, then family – or create a different name and freely speak on the internet. The most important thing is to break the stigma and self-prejudice. We are here, we breathe, we are not invisible and we are real. There will never be enough monsters in this world, so why should we play pretend?