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0 By Jordan
I was in college at the time. It started slowly with burning leg pains, depression, anxiety, fatigue and occasional paranoid thoughts. This led to a diagnosis of a thyroid condition. But when the depression and fatigue lingered then my parents asked our doctor who suggested a psychologist for me to see.
After a while the depression still lingered. It would go away for about a week or two and then return stronger and worse than before. As this was happening, the paranoid thoughts got worse. During this time, I was seeing a psychiatrist every month who had put me on several different medications to help with my mood. Also other medications to help with my agitation and restlessness. Eventually I was put on a sleeping medication to help me sleep as I was having trouble going to sleep.
What was wrong?
My parents started to ask the psychiatrist, ‘At what point is this bipolar?’ Also, they started to point out to the psychiatrist the suspicious thoughts I was having towards them which seemed odd. But my parents weren’t getting any straight answers. Later on, they switched psychiatrists.
Later it was confirmed that I had Schizoaffective disorder: schizophrenia and bipolar. All I remember is there was a defining moment that confirmed my schizophrenia diagnosis.
Schizoaffective disorder: schizophrenia and bipolar
It started by me having thoughts that someone had illegally snuck into the country and infected me with aids or the ebola virus. Then I thought that I had cancer and nobody was telling me. Then I went for bloodwork on Halloween. One of the worst days of my life. Later that day I started having leg pain. Then, I started freaking out as soon as I got into the chair to have bloods taken.
I was freaking out about illegal immigrants coming into the country. Then I started freaking out about having the ebola virus. Later that day my mom phoned to tell me to take a few Tylenol for my leg pain. I was so tired I thought I had taken 3 Tylenol instead of two which wasn’t the case. I don’t remember exactly why I had to get a scan done, but I had one after making my way into emergency for leg pain.
The horrible thing that happened during this time of delusions was on my way to emergency. Hospital workers were walking by with a bed full of fake body parts caked in fake blood. Then a group of hospital workers walked by wearing masks growling at me. And one of them said they were going to cut off my arm, jokingly of course. But it disturbed me as I was already freaked out having had these delusions. I was able to make it to emergency and the doctor was able to give me a shot for the leg pain.
Freaking out
I don’t remember if it was the night before this all happened or if it was the night of Halloween, but I went with my parents to drop my sister off at college. It was half an hour from where we lived and I started freaking out with leg pain and having what I realize now were delusions.
I also remember one day where my legs were hurting and my head was pounding. Earlier I had been hearing voices and I was walking a block or two from my house crying. I was trying to walk off the pain because I’d had an incident a while back where the leg pain came and I went walking fast and it helped.
Later I was tested for sleep apnea and other sleeping disorders. But the doctors came to the conclusion that my fatigue was not related to a sleeping disorder.
Little improvements
Now I am on Tintralex for my depression and Abilify to help with my delusions and the voices. But I struggle with chronic fatigue and a milder depression on a regular basis. Right now, my psychiatrist is trying to get me to do activities that bring me joy and to do a little bit of exercise to try to help with the fatigue and depression.
I don’t feel much better but my parents as well as family members see little improvements. I hope that by sharing my story I can help others who are struggling, just like me, to see that they are not alone.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story.
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