Recovery - Leaving the Workplace

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By Lisa Marie

I write this today as a person who has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression and Panic Attacks. Upon reflection I have struggled with these my entire life, with the official diagnoses for approximately the last 20 years. I have been prescribed medication with moderate effectiveness. I have tried to go off the medication twice because I thought I was feeling well enough. Both times I have failed but that is not why I write this article.

My breakdown

My story today is about the breakdown that took place about 8 months ago. There are many contributing factors to this breakdown, many of which I continue to sort out via counselling, mindfulness, CBT and whatever modalities seem to provide me some benefit.

This breakdown has resulted in my leaving the workplace for the first time due to my mental illness. This has been a significant challenge for my identity that has been strongly connected with accomplishments in my career. I first left the workplace for a period of 4 weeks and returned on graduated hours. My return was difficult at best, with my employer perhaps not handling a mental health disability in the most supportive way. I was unable to continue to be in the workplace, and have been on disability for approximately 6 months.

It took me about 3 of those months to realize that for the first time I am focusing on myself. But I continue to feel both guilt and shame about not being at work. You see, I never thought I could be somebody that did not work. It was simply part of my identity. But I have kept myself busy volunteering and finding things I enjoy.

Leaving the workplace was right for me

I suppose the reason for this writing is to say my recovery has included leaving the workplace to focus on myself. And hopefully find my way back to gainful employment when I am ready. This is a difficult financial decision and I may be forced back for that reason. I wish I knew the right answers to recovery, but I think the real message is that this looks different for everyone.

My wish would be that the world was more supportive of a mental health recovery and that it received the same respect as a physical one. My personal experience is that it does not currently have that status. I wish for employers, insurance companies to provide people with the respect to try to recover from years of working while being ill.

To those that are able to continue to work through a recovery, I applaud you. This is an act of courage and strength that most would never understand. If you are unable to work, I applaud you for having the strength to do what is right for you. Either way we deserve respect, dignity and lack of judgement, for facing these demons each and every day and choosing to get up and do it again.