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0 By Neil Hodge
You’ll know by now, if you’ve read my blogs, that I’m passionate about raising awareness of mental health. This is a passion that stems from my own experiences.
My own mental health and that of others has been fresh in my mind in recent days and weeks.
From a personal perspective events have conspired to test my resolve. Events that in years gone by would have seen me crumble, letting my negative thoughts in and letting them win. A time where I would have catastrophised every situation. Visualising the worst possible outcome, filtering out all potentially positive outcomes to paint a bleak picture of the future. A time when I would have internalised everything, not sharing my thoughts and fears as I didn’t want to let down or burden others.
Becoming master of my own mind
However, my resilience has won over the demons of old. Don’t get me wrong, this hasn’t been an easy journey. It has taken me years to get to where I am now and be the master of my own mind. It is something that continues to take hard work and tenacity to maintain. Using the strategies and behaviours I have learned and developed over the years I know that I can continue to be in control.
The weekend gone by proved to me how in control I am at present. What I feel about this weekend may seem trivial and simple to many but would have been hard for me to achieve in the not too distant past.
What do I mean?
This weekend my Saturday was mostly unplanned and spontaneous. A simple walk turned into enjoying some entertainment over a few drinks in the sunshine, heading for an impromptu meal out and post dinner drinks. No plan, deadlines or schedules.
A normal enjoyable Saturday you may say. Yes, I would agree. However, a few years ago, that would have been stressful in the extreme and triggered many anxieties. My weekends were planned with military precision. Where I had to be and when, what tasks I had to achieve. What time I would be in Asda, when I had to cut the grass or do the ironing. I could go on. If I failed to hit one of my “targets” the weekend was a failure, as I hadn’t achieved what I had set out to do.
It took me many years and a number of counselling sessions to accept that chilling on the sofa and doing nothing but recharging my batteries was a successful weekend.
Music
Sunday was another example. I attended a gig. Nothing unusual there, I’m always at gigs. I love music, it is one of my therapies that keeps me sane. So why am I using this as an example?
Well, this was a gig in a venue I had never been in before. I was going on my own and I was driving, so no alcohol as a crutch. Again – simple? Well yes and no. When my social anxiety was out of my control, and I’d been in a similar situation, I would have worried about it for days in advance. I would have entered the venue and scanned for the darkest corner to stand on my own. Avoided eye contact with anyone and planned my escape route. I would have taken a few pints for Dutch courage. And if anyone did have the audacity to talk to me I had the potential of coming across like an aloof fool, before I made my excuses and moved away. All that would have been if I had actually gone out at all.
The defects & heavy drapes
The gig was a triumph. This isn’t a review as such. I’ll leave that to Mainy, he says it all very eloquently in his Reservoir Droogs blog. However, the venue was fantastic. The Bellfield Tavern in Kilmarnock – why has it taken me so long to get to a gig there? The people? Friendly and approachable. Those I’d met before and those I spoke to for the first time. Welcoming and warm one and all. And the bands – I couldn’t have asked for more.
Punk & disorderly
First up, Fife’s Crimedesk. A band who are stalwarts of the Scottish punk scene. What a set. Didn’t disappoint and had the crowd eating out of the palm of their hands and requesting songs the band hadn’t planned on playing.
Next up it was relative newcomers to the Scottish punk scene, Heavy Drapes. Their sardonic swagger and mastery of the first wave of punk sound and attitude has been winning fans (and enemies) left, right and centre. The anticipation for their debut album is growing and they count The Godfather himself, Peter Coyne, amongst their swelling legion of followers.
Last up it was the turn of Belfast punks, The Defects. They didn’t disappoint and played, with a genuine enthusiasm and joy, a crowd pleasing set of new and old tracks to a passionate audience who lapped up every song.
OK, that was a (very) mini review, but my point is the enjoyment I experienced with not one hint of worry, self-criticism or self-justification. Towards the end of The Defects set, I found myself thinking of the week ahead. This wasn’t the normal Sunday night “Oh no, it’s 8 o’clock the weekend is over and its work tomorrow” thought though.
In a rut?
The Defects played two cover versions that had me reflecting on events of the previous week and what it meant for the week ahead. This filled me with resolve about some of the coming week’s activities for Mental Health Awareness week. These two songs were The Ruts’ classic “In a Rut” and the Bob Marley anthem “Get Up, Stand Up”.
Let me explain. There are lines in each of the songs that resonate with me. With “In a Rut” it is “You’re in a rut, you’ve gotta get out of it – out of it – out of it”. And with the Marley track the couplet “Get Up, Stand Up, Stand up for your rights. Get Up, Stand Up, Don’t give up the fight”.
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I can relate to being that person who was in a rut. No matter what I did I got deeper and deeper, with no idea how to get out of it. I only managed this when I asked for the help I needed. But that isn’t an easy step to take, it was the hard first step on a long journey. However, while it was a fight, I didn’t give up and came through the other side stronger and more able to deal with life. I am now determined not to go back to that black place. And I’ll do whatever I can to highlight the importance of talking about mental health. Stand up for your rights…
RIP Scott Hutchison
I said I was now in control of my mental state. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for everyone who experiences mental health problems. And that is why it is important to mark events like Mental Health Awareness Week, showing friends, relatives and colleagues that there is always someone who will listen and support them. And they do not need to fear judgement or feel shame.
Last week was a case in point with the tragic death of Scott Hutchison, frontman and songwriter for Frightened Rabbit. Scott was well known as a campaigner for and supporter of mental health charities. He was an inspiration to many who suffered with depression and anxiety through his open-ness and sharing of his own issues via his song-writing. His death shows the cruelty of depression and the inability for many to explain what exactly is going on in their heads. And that suicide is the only way to resolve their issues and find solace. While Scott campaigned to ensure those with mental health illnesses are heard, he could no longer battle his own demons.
It is for people like Scott and the many like him that it is important we continue to create and develop a culture and society where there is no shame in talking about mental health. One where you won’t be judged by other people or employers and you will receive the support you need.
Unhelpful Comments
We still have a long way to go and a few comments and statements I’ve heard/read in the last few days highlight that.
I heard someone say, and I’m paraphrasing here, that everything is about mental health just now. The tone in which the statement was delivered was slightly disparaging. I was going to take offence until I stopped and thought about what it meant. It was two-fold. I could see a positive in that it told me that more people are talking about mental health issues, which is great. It also told me that we still have work to do to make a difference. It is understandable that it will take time.
There are years of attitudes and behaviours to change. Many people who deal with their own depression can’t explain why. So how can someone who hasn’t experienced it really understand? It has been pointed out to me I still don’t share or talk enough and I know that is the case sometimes. I have spent a larger part of my life keeping things to myself than sharing, old dogs and all that.
Other comments surface at times like this. Not necessarily meant to offend, but people make comments like “he had it all” and “what did he have to worry about”. Again, it plays to the point that there is a lack of understanding about what depression really is and how it affects people. We need to continue to raise awareness.
Create the right atmosphere
Finally, creating the right environment is important. Ensuring that people feel comfortable to talk when THEY are ready and on THEIR terms. You can’t force someone to talk. You have to create an atmosphere where they feel safe. I heard an example of someone who wasn’t against the idea of talking about mental health per se. But they had received so much pressure from people around them, it had the opposite effect and they became more insular.
So, take a personal pledge this week to do something to help remove the stigma of talking about mental health. No matter how small it seems, every little step makes a difference and together we can help build a more understanding society.
Reproduced with permission, originally posted on thegingerquiff.com
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