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0 By Rhiannon
Just because I’m smart doesn’t mean my mind can’t get sick too. Having a mental illness is not a reflection of your intelligence. And similarly, intelligence does not protect you from mental illness.
I was unfortunate enough to experience the result of this all too common misconception that smart people should know better. And this is my story.
“You, of all people, should know better”
I have a condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which means I suffer from neurological pain in my arm all the time and have done for the last six years. This has caused insomnia and over the last year led to a decline in my mental health. This all culminated last month in me taking two overdoses. But this isn’t about me, it’s about what happened when I finally reached out to ask for help.
The first time was scary, it was the middle of night and I had to go to A&E. But the second was worse.
Before I go on, I should explain that I am a medical student, so going to hospital is always tricky because you see staff that you know. But also because people treat you differently, and that’s what I want to talk about today.
It started in A&E with a nurse who turned to me and said, “I thought you of all people would have known how dangerous paracetamol is.” Of course I knew, but I also knew that it was a really effective painkiller and I was in a lot of pain. I could have dealt with that comment alone, what came next however was too far.
“You’re a smart girl really”
The doctor came in, she was a registrar, and I’m sure if I had broken my arm or leg she would have been excellent. But then she said, “People do stupid things once but not twice, so why don’t you tell me what’s really going on because I know you’re a smart girl really?” I was shocked, I just sat there. It had taken me all morning to work up the courage to ask for help, and now this.
Then, “You’re a medical student, haven’t you ever seen anyone die from paracetamol poisoning?” That was it, I burst into tears.
The following week I stopped eating and drinking, but as a result of that conversation I was too scared to go back to A&E. I ended up being admitted with starvation ketoacidosis two weeks later. Something which could have, and should have, been preventable.
So why am I writing this? Because yes I may be a medical student and yes I may be smart, but please remember that I am also human. And at that moment I was a scared 18 year old girl, 500 miles away from home, who was asking for help. So next time you see someone struggling, don’t judge them by their ability. Intelligence does not protect you from mental illness.
Even the brightest minds need help sometimes.
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