Bordering on the Edge

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By Rachel

At 19, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I suppose what was worse was finding out a couple of years later that professionals had suspected I had it, while treating me for Anorexia when I was younger, but decided to ignore it. An earlier diagnosis, although I was younger than the preferred age to be diagnosed, could have changed the outcome of my recovery journey.

Life can be overwhelming

I’ve had moments of my journey where I have done so well I’ve shocked myself, let alone the people who are treating me. Yet there have been days where I truly felt I was bordering on the edge. At any point I could have easily just stopped it all. Even on some of my better days, I wonder why I didn’t.

Life at times feels overwhelming. A little too much. Yet for some reason I keep going. I have no idea what this little part of me is that keeps me going, but it’s there and it does. I’ve worked hard to improve services for young people in my area, to stop them having the same treatment I had. Maybe that fighter part in me is the one which is also keeping me going.

I’ve done well for myself

I have done well for myself, despite the thoughts of the people who were treating me. I have a job which I love, which holds a lot of responsibility, along with a flat, a car and pets. I’m responsible for people other than myself. At 17, I was told my life would be mental health units or supported living homes. They said there was no chance I would be able to properly function independently. What sort of message is that to send to a 17 year old? I hope services have changed in the past 10 years, but I could be massively wrong.

Life throws hurdles, and our minds respond in ways that they believe are the right ones to protect us. Yet at times, those responses are the ones which can be detrimental. They can be a long term fix to a short term emotion. I have come to a thought that maybe bordering on the edge is safer than stepping too far away, as then the fall doesn’t seem as long. You take life as it comes, and when those bad days do hit, remind yourself tomorrow is a new day.