Loose Talk - Strangers discussing me

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By Keri

I catch the acid whisper in the local supermarket or walking down the street in my neighbourhood: the nudge or the murmur – ‘but she is mad!’ Loose talk. Strangers discussing me.

It pierces your carefully maintained inner peace and either makes you downcast or fills you with desire ‘to show’ that person, depending on the other experiences you have encountered that day.

But that chance of kindness or human connection is extinguished at that very moment.
Words remain, swill, ferment in the mind. Ideas, plans, dreams can grow from the power of them, as can nightmares and damaged thoughts. Seeds, then, for a healthy or warped mind!

What happens out there

Fuelled by negativity for so long, the anger we take out on our nearest and dearest is because of what happens out there – not in the confines of our safe home. Only when thoughts are processed, by talking, reading widely and discussing with a qualified person, can they be discarded. This is self-management.

Casting your mind back to the times when you thought there was a degree of empathy, only to be brutally disappointed. Your fellow student from an art class who you randomly bump into outside your flat after the revelation of your diagnosis. And her thinly disguised desire to escape from you because of ‘what if’.

The good friend, who tragically lost her brother early in life. You hid your condition from her; you were young and were coming to terms with it yourself. No time for the stressful episode on the street. Forgiveness is not offered. Another, who gave you a ‘true friend’ heart whilst living away. Only to drop you when you returned and you were going through an incredibly tough year. Reconciliation was off the cards on her part.

Where are these strangers discussing me?

The obvious distance from the car behind you on the road. What do they know about you? Is your driving that bad, or are you getting paranoid? ‘Imaginings’ they call it, those that mean well.

And where are these strangers discussing me and my mental well-being? Is it pub talk? Where do they find out the facts?

You have begun to speak your truth, sometimes, candidly. Your platform has been offered to you. And the depths of you and others – what might these ignorant and small-minded people discover, if they carefully took the time? Your persona is like a smeared shop window. Give it a good polish and you might find something priceless behind the front! Compare this to the qualities and talents we humans are capable of possessing…

A bit of respect is what we need

Do the strangers discuss what you have overcome or your achievements? The fact that you are working on yourself and always will? Or is their world so unexpansive?

And they think you want their pity and sadness. Actually, a decent dose of respect when things are going well and when you are strong and confront situations face-on – this is what is required. It would amaze them if they knew what you were fighting inside, ‘to turn up’ and ‘to show up’, just to slam their mean criticism.

For you have seen the unfiltered surprise on their faces when you do use your voice. ‘Was it? Is it her/him? Really?’

Being spurred on

It is all negated when some strangers ‘get you’. They spur you on and see something in you. ‘Do something with your life!’ they urge you. ‘I saw sparks…’ Yes, we crave for these moments to happen, but we can see we are not meant ‘to sing and dance’ with everyone. We question, are we ‘going on too much?’ Is our desire to be understood ‘too great?’

There is a difference between them and us. We have learnt humility, compassion and kindness to others along our painful journey. Yes, we are different. We have mental health conditions. But we are still human.

A word of advice. You just do not know what another person hears, sees and absorbs, or how they process your comments. Use your words wisely; they are a powerful currency.