I've been sexually attacked again #metoo

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By Lauren

Sexually attacked again

It’s happened again, and I just don’t know how to prevent it.

I’ve been sexually attacked again.

I was vulnerable and it was at the hands of my boss. The same boss who gave me my first job after my breakdown.

Unfortunately, it has happened many times before. I have lost count. I trust my male friends and colleagues. Yet the vast majority have sexually harassed or attacked me at least once. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

I’m married, and I’ve never cheated on my husband. I have never wanted to. I work in a predominantly male-orientated industry, so most of my colleagues and friends are male.

My vulnerability?

I’m not particularly attractive, and I don’t encourage behaviour by how I dress – although I know I shouldn’t even think that. I’m just a normal girl. It might be my vulnerability, which is due to my mental health problems.

My mental health problems make me obsess about these events. My thoughts convince me it’s my fault that I’m too trusting, that I put myself in difficult situations, drink too much, shouldn’t have worn those boots…

This event isn’t even the first of this year — and it’s only February. It has brought my negative thoughts back to the surface. I want to hurt myself just to prove my body is my own. To take back ownership, to make myself repelling to these men and to somehow take control and stop this happening.